Jan-30-2012 - The house I live in....

"The House I Live In" won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance over the weekend. The film is all about America's War on Drugs. I look forward to seeing it when it comes out. I have written a few times in this blog about the absurdity and financial drain of this so called 'War' ? According to the film the war was declared by Richard Nixon in 1971 and 40 years and 44 million arrests later we''ve lost over a trillion dollars, and yet drugs are more available than ever before, sold by younger and younger kids, the purity level is higher. So none of the stated goals of that war have been achieved and yet it continues to grow. More and more American communities are getting swept up into the prison-industrial vortex, so that small towns everywhere now are deeply reliant on the life-blood of money and jobs that hosting a prison promises. America has become the world's largest jailer with 2.3 million people behind bars, a larger percentage of our population than any other country.

Dec-22-2011 - The X factor

I have watched Simon Cowell's The "X" Factor this year mainly because of the contestant Chris Rene. Rene arrived with one of the most compelling backstories of the season. The 28-year-old Santa Cruz, California, singer/songwriter emerged from auditions with the kind of hard-luck tale that you never hear on these kinds of shows. Seventy days from rehab and newly sober after years of struggles with crystal meth addiction. I am constantly told by people (professional and other) that being in the spotlight can do nothing but harm to anyone trying to deal with their addictions. It is the reason that Lisa says that she removed herself from being involved with "Cracked Not Broken" for the last four years in 'any' public manner. I have never believed that one bit... In fact Chris is actually using 'fame' (another form of addiction?) to help himself on his path to recovery, but also those who find themselves lost and in need of a hero/mentor. Not everyone fits into the all inclusive "Alcoholics Anonymous" 12 step program/business model !!! . If either of the other two contestants win their lives will be changed dramatically from one second to the other. Five million dollars will do that, and not always in a positive way. Chris's life has already changed. A win for him will affect the millions of people caught in the web. So I just wanted to wish Chris all the best in the Finale tonight. Remember it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play "THE GAME" and what you do with the opportunities to make this world a better place. You have already done it. Merry "X"mas, Paul.

Dec-20-2011 - Ho Ho Ho

Wishing everyone who still follows this blog a Happy Holiday. I am thrilled that Lisa continues on her healthy path of recovery ... Truly inspirational in a world that needs good stories like this. I continue to receive feedback from viewers weekly and sometimes daily sharing their thoughts and personal stories. If I had a 'WISH' for 2012, it would be that the film would become part of the educational high school health programs. I have witnessed how it affects kids at a time when they are first being exposed to the temptations of drugs. I have contacted many people at various school boards but for some reason they never seem to get it ? I will continue to knock on doors until I find the right person who can help me in this quest. All the best...

Dec-14-2011 - WA$TED

I believe that money is the most dangerous addiction. I have personally witnessed friends addicted to alcohol, crack, pot, pills and have seen how these drugs turned nice people into pretty bad people. I have also seen nice people get hooked on money and how that changed them in the exact same way. The addicts are easy to spot. Like most addicts they can never have enough money. They talk about money, possessions, stocks, bonds, houses, cars, trips, money, money and of course money. Like most drugs the addict needs more and more of it to somehow make them feel good about themselves, and more money will make you feel better right? Just like drugs... And it really doesn't matter how that money is acquired. Lying, stealing, cheating - feed the monster. I would say the only difference between someone addicted to a drug and someone addicted to money is 'compassion'. Severely 'CRACKED but NEVER BROKE'. Buy Buy for now.

Dec-12-2011 - Please watch !

Dec-02-2011 - It is a crazy Life...

The following writing was taken from a blog called "It is a crazy Life"... "I am watching this documentary of a beautiful smart woman who is an addict. As I sit here and watch what life is like on the inside of that door. I have been surrounded by addicts and addiction almost my whole life whether it is friends that are addicts or friends of friends even total strangers coming to get dope from the "dope man" down the street. I cannot help but think back to being 9 or 10 and being on the outside of that door and seeing a person walk into the room and seeing them walk out a totally different person. As I am sitting here watching this woman talk about how her addiction effects her family and had destroyed the relationship with her daughter it breaks my heart. My mom suffered with addiction for a long time and it blows my mind to imagine that in all of the amazing memories, stories, and pictures that I know of her that this could of been her. I can't help but imagine that if I wasn't strong willed and been around positive people where I could be right now. Life gets me down and I have struggles just as much as the next person but not once could I imagine having my whole entire life is consumed by something like this. Addiction is a chase. You are always in route of chasing the high. Chasing your dealer. chasing the money to get high. Chasing a place to get high. Always always chasing! it is a never ending battle. I sit here and watch how much it effects her that her addiction controls her and every ounce of her being! It has effected her friendships, relationships and most of all the relationship within herself. If you know me or anything about my life or where I come from you know that I have lost everything in my life at one point or another. some of my very best friends have struggled with addiction and lost so much time and so many relationships because of the addiction. I am very thankful to say that I have some amazing friends that have turned it around and are now making positive choices. They are now amazing mothers, fathers, friends and most of all the person that I know. It amazes me how much it can change who you are and make you into this person that I don't know and never would want to know. Addiction turns you into an evil person who is out for themselves and really could care less about who they hurt and what choices they are making. My heart aches to know that everyday there are amazing people taken from us because of this disease. I have lost so many people in my life some who have yet to find themselves. I hope that one day they will find that smile within their souls and come back to us. Come back to the silly jokes and finally be able to feel the sunlight on their skin and just be able to stop. Stop and enjoy the warmth and feel the soft breeze. Stop the chase. Most of all I wish for them to be able to stop the pain and the blame that they feel within themselves. I hope that we all can see that they are cracked and never broken."

Nov-07-2011 - A novel idea...

I have never written a book before but I started working on my first one today. The tentative title is "Blatant Exposure...Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n Roll & Oprah". This book will be an autobiographical memoir based on my experiences/struggles/success/failures of 10 years in the 'GAME'.

Oct-24-2011 - It's a War on War on Drugs ?

INTERESTING ARTICLE I READ RECENTLY ONLINE (neglectedwar.com)....Which country do you think is most to blame for illegal drug use across the globe? Is it Colombia, which is a major producer of cocaine? How about Afghanistan, the world's largest producer of opium? Or maybe it's the Netherlands, a leading producer of such synthetic drugs as ecstasy? Try the United States. If consumers in the United States didn't have such an appetite for cocaine, heroin and marijuana, the globe's major drug-producing countries wouldn't have such financially stirring reasons for producing these illegal substances. In fact, residents of the United States like more than just their apple pie. They are the world's largest consumers of cocaine, Colombian heroin, Mexican heroin and marijuana. So if you want to point a finger at the causes of the global drug trade, look no further than the United States. A Costly, and Losing, Effort You can blame Richard Nixon for the United States' long and costly war on drugs. The former president was the first to utter the infamous words 'war on drugs.' Of course, Nixon didn't spend all that much on fighting drug use in the United States. His initial drug-fighting budget weighed in at just $100 million. That may seem like a lot of money. But compared to the tons of money the United States now spends in its war on drugs-100 million is practically chickenfeed. If you want to see just how much money the country spends on this un-winnable war, (click here for the infographic). You might be surprised at how much the country is paying to make it harder for criminals to smuggle drugs past the United States' borders. The projected budget for the war on drugs in fiscal year 2011, approved by the Obama Administration, stands at a whopping $15.6 billion. And that's just the beginning of how much fighting drugs costs the country. Four Decades, Billions of Dollars The United States openly declared a war on drugs about 40 years ago. Since that time, the country has spent a rather staggering $121 billion to arrest more than 37 million non-violent drug offenders. There's a lot of debate about whether arresting these people actually does any good. Many would argue that these folks need rehabilitation more than incarceration. But what no one can dismiss is that jailing these offenders sure is costly. It has cost the United States, over the last four decades, more than $450 billion to lock these nonviolent offenders in federal prisons. And here's another shocking fact: More than half of the country's federal prisoners today are serving sentences for drug offenses. This puts an incredible strain on the country's prison systems and on taxpayers. But few people seem to care. How about you? Are you happy to be paying taxes so privately run prisons can make money incarcerating your neighbors for using drugs? Are Times Changing? The truth is, few politicians will ever push for spending less on this failing war on drugs. That's a bit like committing political suicide. Their opponents in upcoming election campaigns would tag them as being soft on crime. They might even say that they're not concerned about young people experimenting with dangerous drugs. But shouldn't more of the United States' money be spent on rehabilitating drug offenders? Wouldn't it make more financial sense to provide drug offenders with therapy and counseling? These approaches certainly would cost less than incarceration. But, then again, the U.S. voters like to see their drug users thrown behind bars. And until this changes, don't expect many, if any, politicians to suddenly develop a backbone and call for reworking the costly and failing war on drugs. There are elections to win, after all.

Oct-17-2011 - Intervention...

You know what I HATE about the "INTERVENTION" series the most? The fact that they use the term 'Documentary' as a lie to lure unsuspecting addicts into the entertainment world !

Oct-06-2011 - I am about to...

Crack Wide Open...

Sep-29-2011 - I wonder ?

I wonder who reads this ? I write it for myself, so I don't care if anyone else does really, but I am curious. If you do and you have thoughts/input/feedback... I can be reached at paulperrier@rogers.com

Sep-28-2011 - Cracked In Limbo

It's been a couple of months since I have written anything about the film. The reason is that for the first time since this started years ago I feel the film is in LIMBO. After screening the film for my daughters 7th grade class I was reminded what a powerful tool it really is. I was given a connection through the Toronto District School Board. I dropped off the film. I copied a pile of letters from the kids. It was the last I heard from anyone? If I had money I would make sure that every high school in this country had a fucking copy of it available for their students. Unfortunately I don't....Limbo is also the name of a video game. The plot or story and the ending of the game have been open to much interpretation. The ending was purposely left vague and unanswered. It was compared to other open-ended books, films and video games, where the viewer is left to interpret what they have read or seen. Limbo is presented through dark, greyscale graphics and with minimalist ambient sounds, creating an eerie, haunting environment. One interpretation suggested the game is the boy's journey through Hell to reach Heaven. Sounds like Cracked Not Broken/Cracked Wide Open . Heaven help me.

Jul-04-2011 - Bay Street Motel Make Over...

The 'Bay Street Motel' (where "Cracked Not Broken" was filmed) is transforming itself from a bug/drug infested run down Motel into a 'trendy' boutique Motel this year. The makeover of this site is as amazing as Lisa's personal makeover in roughly the same period? I only entered the Motel once in 2005, and that was enough for me. Here is to a long and healthy life for both the 'new and improved' Motel & Lisa.

Jun-10-2011 - Letter to Lisa #4 -This ain't Hollywood (Gabriel)

Dear Lisa: A few weeks ago, I saw the film "Cracked Not Broken". I saw the experiences you've had in your life and the lives of the people around you.I saw what your life 'was' like and how it is now. The difference is astonishing. It takes a lot more than 'WILL POWER' to stop taking addictive drugs. This is not just a film, but a journey in real life. The whole story was really able to show me the consequences of drugs because for the first time...It was real. What I mean is that it isn't a person made up in a text book, or an actor in a Hollywood movie....It is a real life being changed. The media and Hollywood are often wrong when trying to tell our young generation what to expect growing up. It is important to know that there are people who can teach you and help you grow up. You are one of those people. You have inspired me in many ways. You taught me that whatever life throws at you can be flipped around for the better. Lisa, you are a real Hero to me. Thank you . Gabriel L.

Jun-02-2011 - Letter to Lisa # 3- from my daughter Dylan...

"Dear Lisa: I recently watched the movie you are in called "Cracked Not Broken", and I really wanted to tell you that even during your hard times with drugs, I still looked up to you. You made me believe that drugs can be bad and can mess up your life. I had a difficult time watching you inject drugs into yourself, not only because I know you personally, but I couldn't imagine sticking a needle into myself for 10 minutes just to get high. It was a good movie for me to see even though it was sad I learned a lot. I never want to take drugs because of what the movie showed me. You have taught me that drugs are bad. What was really scary for me was that you started so young at the age of 12, and I am that age now...I know this movie has made me think. You have made me think, and because of you I will never EVER take drugs or try them...I promise. Thank you for the impact you have made on me, I will never forget this movie. DYLAN"

May-31-2011 - Letter to Lisa # 2

Dear Lisa: I am a 13 year old teenager. Some may say that being a teenager is the easiest stage in life, while some say it's the most difficult. For me, I'm not exactly sure, especially since those two terms come down to perspective of other people, and comparisons to other lives.. I've never dealt with anything like your situation. In fact, I've never dealt with anything close to it, but seeing the film "Cracked Not Broken" made me realize the significance of that specific aspect of your life, on a whole new level. Though I have never had experiences with drugs, I know people who have; people who are the same age as me. It's hard to see those you care about , many of them your friends, who have everything going for them, mindlessly venture down a path they shouldn't be. I've always felt like the Deer Park community is one that has a high reputation; a reputation that was generally free of such things as drugs. I've also always felt like at ages such as 13, we are far too young to be experimenting with something we are not mature enough yet to. Your story has taught me that anything can happen to anyone anywhere at anytime, despite popular beliefs. It also taught me what can happen when we are not aware of the consequences , and decide to supposedly "grow up faster", "act cooler", "have fun" or "blend in with everyone else". These are phrases you hear constantly that sound plain and basic, but when related to the use of drugs, can be extremely dangerous. It's a lot easier said than done to ignore them, especially for teenagers, when you are going through a stage in your life when you want to be accepted by those around you. Your story allowed me to see beyond those shallow phrases and understand how much a life can change by a single senseless decision. Drugs can take over a person physically, mentally, and emotionally in no time to a point where they become dependant on the substance. No matter how addicted a user is, there is always that one part of them that thinks about stopping. I feel like whether that succeeds or not, all comes down to the support system you have. As I watched the film, being in the position of a complete stranger to you, and you being a complete stranger to me, I was still touched. There were moments that I couldn't bear to watch what you were going through and there were moments that I, even as a 13 year old teenager, wished to be there to support you. I just want you to know that your film has reached out to countless people who are all there for you, one way or another. The day I saw the film for the first time, so did 200 other students. This presentation, capturing an essence of your life opened the eyes of 200 teenagers...in only 40 minutes. The willingness you have to embrace and share your situation to the rest of the world, and the ability you you have to use your personal story as an educational tool, takes a great deal of courage. Your story forces teenagers to think twice, it sheds a new light of expectedness on unexpected situations, and it has provided awareness. Even something so simple can prevent someone from mindlessly venturing down that harmful path. Even something so simple can save lives. Your story saves lives. But most importantly, it's the perseverance and success factors of your story that inspire me. The film itself had a huge impact, but it was afterwards, when Paul Perrier spoke, that really struck something in me. His words were "Today, Lisa is nearly 4 year clean and sober"...That made all the difference. The amount of hardships you have gone through over the course of your life is unbelievable, and to hear that you are able to respect yourself enough to rise above your situation, fall down, and rise back up again is something that I look up to. I've been told that in life, nothing feels better than accomplishing something you have persevered for. I can't imagine how much you've gone through and I can't imagine how much perseverance it took to overcome those bumpy roads. I'm not one to say whether your life's "easy" or "difficult", but I can say that your life has inspired me. I think of your story and I think of how strong a mindset you have, how strong a heart you have, and how strong a person you are. Sincerely: Jillian

May-29-2011 - Here's to your Health ...letter.

As a follow up to the screening of 'Cracked Not Broken' last week at Deer Park public school, the students were asked to write a letter to Lisa capturing their thoughts or feelings for her to read. I am awaiting a pile of letters (not emails) in the next week and Jeff Mann, the Health and Gym teacher at the school, gave me this one which I thought I would share...It is one of the most touching things anyone has said about the story to date in my opinion..."DEAR LISA: HOPE ALL IS WELL. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ASTONISHING COMEBACK TO A PROMISING LIFE. I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW TRULY INSPIRED I AM BY YOUR STORY AND WHAT A POSITIVE IMPACT IT HAD FOR ME AND MY PEERS HERE AT DEER PARK PUBLIC SCHOOL. TO SEE WHAT YOU WERE IN THE BEGINNING TO WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME TODAY, IT'S TRULY AMAZING! YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOURSELF. THINK OF IT THIS WAY; IMAGINE A FULLY-POWERED, FORTY CAR STEAM TRAIN, FILLED WITH A THOUSAND SOULS, ZOOMING DOWN A HUGE MOUNTAIN SLOPE TO A CLIFF, WHERE CERTAIN DEATH AWAITS. YOU SINGLE HANDEDLY TURNED THAT ENTIRE TRAIN AROUND, AND ARE SLOWLY, BUT SURELY, MAKING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP OF THAT MOUNTAIN TO SAFETY. IT'S A VERY STEEP SLOPE, BUT I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, AND YOU SHOULD HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF AS WELL. YOUR STORY LISA IS HEART-BREAKING AND HEART-WARMING. IT IS ASTONISHING AND AMAZING. IT IS INSPIRING AND INCREDIBLE. BUT MOST OF ALL, IT IS A CLEAR-AS-DAY REMINDER THAT THERE WILL BE DOWNFALLS, THERE WILL BE UPSETS AND THERE WILL BE PAIN, BUT WHEN IT ALL COMES DOWN TO IT, IT'S HOW STRONG YOU ARE INSIDE THAT MATTERS. SINCERELY...SPENCER C." Keep writing Spencer, you have a talent !

May-24-2011 - Talking Oprah with Arisa...

I was interviewed this morning by a friend of mine, Arisa Cox who is an entertainment reporter on the National on CBC. She is interviewing some Canadians who's work has appeared on Oprah and the effect that exposure had on my film 'Cracked Not Broken' and on me personally. The film has crept by into my life recently in many ways. First there was the school screening last week and now this interview to coincide with the last episode of Oprah. There are other things also. Lisa recently moved back to Toronto and I saw her for the first time in years and she blogged once again to update people on her recovery program and where she is at. The afternoon after the school screening I received an email saying "Turn on Oprah". So I did, and I listened as she apologized for an hour to James Frey about her behavior towards him after the scandal broke out that some of his drug memoir 'A Million Little Pieces" had been fabricated. I think I had an Oprah moment during this interview ? I realized how angry I have been at Oprah for the way she treated Lisa during the May 6, 2006 interview. How I blamed all the bad things on her that came out of being on the show. It also made me realize the incredible GOOD that has come from that appearance. How the film continues to educate people on the consequences of addiction. How it became part of HBO's Award winning "Addiction" series. When I first was asked to do the interview I thought this would be my chance to unmask Oprah and show her to be the evil person I believed she was. I realized something else though...Oprah Winfrey is human. She may be the most powerful person in the entertainment world but she has bad days just like the rest of us. She makes lots of mistakes. I choose to believe that the apology to James Frey was intended for everyone who she may have been LESS than perfect with. I tried to get that across in the interview today. I hope they don't just use the sensational parts of the interview , kinda like the Oprah show did? We both are trying to do the same thing , just in different ways. We both try to tell stories that inspire, educate and transform peoples lives. I apologize to you Oprah for some of the things I have written and said. I take equal responsibility for the mistakes. Peace and I thank you for the chance to use the 'Oprah Winfrey Show' to get some part of the film and Lisa's story to the masses. I hope we can work together again soon... I have some other wonderful stories that will amaze you and your followers. Sincerely: paul perrier

May-20-2011 - And the point was ?

Yesterday's screening of 'Cracked Not Broken' at Deer Park School was incredible for me on many levels. It was great to be showing it to students after so many years . Even kids who are too young to GET IT... GET IT ? I could not hold myself from getting emotional as I spoke to the Grade 7 kids before the 9:00 AM screening of the film. The sight of my soon to be 13 year old daughter and all her friends, many of whom I have know since nursery school, was overwhelming to say the least. It was interesting to speak to her about it afterwards. As usual there is always some sort of story that happens whenever the film is shown. I did not find out about this until the end of the day but coincidently all the kids had been scheduled to receive a vaccine needle right after the movie? Yup, they won't forget this day for a while...There have been some strange occurrences with the film over the past little while. While heading home after presenting I received an email from a friend of mine Arisa Cox, who is an entertainment reporter for the CBC. She is on a story for The National about Oprah's influence and empire in light of her departure from daytime television." I Wanted to know if you were available for a possible interview next week on what effect Oprah's blessing had on your documentary "Cracked Not Broken" and you as a filmmaker." Too weird?

May-17-2011 - 4 years two months and 27 days...

That is how long it has been since I have done a school screening of Cracked Not Broken. On Thursday I am screening the film at Deer Park for the grade 7 & 8 students. My daughter Dylan will be seeing what her Dad does in exactly the way I would have wanted her to 'experience' it. I'm not sure why but I am nervous about it, probably more for her than me? Over the years I have received a lot of criticism about the film, and have never cared if it's good or bad as long as it is making people talk. I also know how hard it is to be a entering your teens and having your Dad show up and show something that could have some sort of repercussions on her if kids wanted to hurt or bully her. I have been involved at Deer Park since the day Dylan and Taegan started nursery school there. I love Deer Park and have met some great friends and have been lucky enough to hang out and get to know some really nice and talented cool kids. I also know that Dylan is capable of standing up for herself and has a good support group of friends and teachers. I want to thank Lisa also for writing a blog entry which she sent to me today with a note saying that she had bumped into Dylan on the street minutes earlier ? Life is weird...I spent the last 45 minutes reading her blog from beginning to where it stands today and I wish I was as talented a writer as she is, so that I could describe how great and inspirational her life story will always be. Keep going Lisa !

Apr-29-2011 - Cracked at Deer Park ?

The last school screening of "Cracked Not Broken' was on February 22, 2007 at the County Day School in King City north of Toronto. I received a phone call this morning from Jeff Mann the Phys-Ed instructor at Deer Park Public School in Toronto. He was wondering if I would consider screening the film for the grade 8 students (and parents) at the school. I understand that several students have been dealt with regarding drug use in and around the school. "YES" was my immediate response. Deer Park School is a key part of the story in film. The opening montage of images features a picture of Lisa and Nicol in a Grade One Class photo. Back at that time Deer Park had a reputation as a drug school. It is also the school that my daughters attend. Neither of the girls have watched he film yet but I think that if there is a screening this year I will try and convince Nicol to let Dylan, age 12, see it. It has been a long time since the last public screening of the film? I hope the film gets screened in schools across the country some day? I hope Lisa comes to this screening also... It's been too long !

Apr-17-2011 - Cracked Poetry

I recently ran across a poem on the internet called "Cracked Not Broken" written by " UPINTHECOSMOS". I wonder if the film was an inspiration for this writing? .... "I may be cracked but I'm not broken. You won't break me if you keep poking. Inside remains the words unspoken. The tears you see are just a token. A crack is a crack, it can't conceal. The spirit is strong so it can seal. All it takes is for me to reveal. When the words escape the crack will heal. There may be a scar it's hard to tell. The nose may run and the eyes may swell. But it's better to let go than dwell. Or else that crack is fueled to excel. Splitting me in two ... Broken."

Mar-02-2011 - The Oprahs... err...Oscars

How bad were the 83rd Annual Academy Awards ? I wish I could count the ways ! Sure there was the obvious sacrificing of two young Hollywood hopefuls, hired to attract a 'younger' audience (Most likely the audience that has no interest in the Academy at all). To balance things out a bit the Academy also sacrificed an old senile Hollywood legend. That was funny!!! The youngsters must be downloading Randy Newman's Academy Award winning song from 'Toy Story 7'. Very hip ! Just when it seemed the night couldn't get any worse or predictable ... Oprah Winfrey was introduced to announce the Best Documentary Academy Award. What ? Why ? What tie is there between Oprah and documentaries? I am convinced that she didn't watch my film before interviewing Lisa in May of 2006...It is too bad too because the opportunity to use Lisa' inspirational story was wasted basically. Oh well, we all have bad days. We are all human...even Oprah.

Feb-23-2011 - 7 years ago today...

On february 23 rd 2004 at 2:45 PM, "Cracked Not Broken" happened for a reason.

Jan-06-2011 - Cracking further...

Available today, you can rent or own a copy of "Cracked Not Broken" available on I-Tunes. I figured if it was good enough for the Beatles ? This is another avenue that did not exist when this film was made ... pretty cool. What next?

Jan-01-2011 - R.I.P. - Tara D.

When we first started to screen "Cracked Not Broken" in 2005 I was contacted by a friend of Lisa's named Tara. Like Lisa she had a history of drug addiction, but wanted to know if there was anyway that she could help out by spreading the word about the film. Quite soon afterwards she organized a screening of the film on the east coast for a group of friends. It was people like her who helped the film out before it became 'mainstream'. I found out through Lisa that Tara was found dead of an overdose on New Year's day this year. Although I never met her, my heart and wishes go out to her family and friends. I hope that you are in a better place Tara. Thank you for your interest and help with the film...You will be missed. ****I had posted a letter from Tara dated March 7/2007 in this blog that she had sent me after screening 'Cracked Not Broken' in Labrador. EERIE to say the least ?

Dec-25-2010 - Merry Christmas...2010.

"And so this is Christmas. For weak and for strong.For rich and the poor ones.The road is so long. And so happy Christmas. For black and for white. For yellow and red ones. Let's stop all the fight." Have a happy and healthy 2011 everyone.

Oct-06-2010 - 3 years...

October 6, 2007 is Lisa's sobriety date so she is celebrating 3 years of clean living today...So Lisa if you are reading this- Congratulations, well done! On her Facebook page Lisa announced that she is a 'Miracle'. According to the definition I would not totally disagree. When this all happened 5 years ago my concept was that perhaps a film could help it's subject out of a difficult situation. Everyone said that I was crazy and that nothing was going to stop Lisa. Luckily I don't listen to everyone and pursued with the project. That decision continues to affect me everyday of my life.... There has been a lot of positive to come out of this, but I would have never conceived of the negatives that are 'part and parcel' with trying something radical. It has been an education like no other that I have received in my life. I have seen so many people give so selfishly of themselves to help a person in a crisis situation...They rarely get mentioned so here they are- Nicol, Tom Powers, Drew Harris, Paul Johnson, Carleton Lockhart, Kidd Rasta, & The Regent Theatre in Toronto. These people helped when no one else would and you cannot put a price tag on that. On the other hand there have been people who have either tried to use this piece for their own gain, or have simply ignored it... Most notably I would have to mention 'The Council on Drug Abuse', 'Oprah', 'Hot Docs', 'CBC' & 'Canadian Schools System'. When this film was released in 2005, websites like "Hulu' and 'Snag' did not exist and yet five years later 'Cracked Not Broken' continues to be amongst the top 5 documentaries watched on both these sites. I hope Lisa continues on the path she is on-one day at a time. I also hope that she has the courage to live up to her promise she made to me, to share her story of recovery to the thousands of people out their who still walk in those shoes? Not easy but important !

Aug-17-2010 - NO-PRAH

A very interesting thing happened to the film recently. A producer at "Harpo Productions" contacted Lisa about the possibility of making an appearance on "The Oprah Show" in it's final year on regular television before the Big O starts her OWN Network. The producer said that they were interested in talking to Lisa about her 3 years of sobriety and that the film had nothing to do with the show? Anyway, Lisa has decided that she is not interested in returning to the show. I feel thatt I am always in an awkward position when things like this happen. On the one hand I understand how hard it must be for Lisa to live with the portrayal of her, that is "Cracked Not Broken". I truly believe every addict who is lucky enough to break the hold of their drug, will always be ashamed of their behavior while addicted. But when you have this document of your life during this time, one which continues to gain attention, the level of shame she feels must be nearly unbearable? On the other hand I think that this is exactly what we all discussed when we were all making these tough decisions 5 years ago. decisions that would change all our lives. Selfishly, it would be a fantastic accomplishment for the film and myself and everyone involved in "helping" out with the project. A lot of good things came out of the appearance on Oprah in May of 2007. I have always said that it was not the show that I had hoped for, but it was an unbelievable platform to get as much of our message as possible out to the public at the time. To close the loop on the story would make sense to me on many levels. Most importantly, I think it would give Lisa an opportunity to come out of it this time - looking like the hero she is. The dictionary describes a hero like this: "Somebody who commits an act of remarkable bravery or who has shown great courage, strength of character, or another admirable quality". So no doubt her releasing the footage from our afternoon together took remarkable courage and bravery on her part. That footage has saved many peoples lives and influenced many who walk in the same shoes as Lisa. No matter how many people tell Lisa that she is a role model in society, the words that affect her most are from the ignorant, usually nameless cowards, who criticize her for choosing the life she was living and still treating her like a whore. I think Lisa's biggest barrier right now to a happier life is to somehow come to terms with only the positive that this experience has brought to her life. I hope that when she can do this she will she be a guiding light to all others, and all the weight of the shame will be lifted from her shoulders. I wish her all the luck with this she can do it.. On another note I think Oprah should do a show that features any guests that have said "no" to an Oprah invite. I bet Lisa would be the only guest for that hour - and it would be fascinating !

Jul-12-2010 - Life Saver

OK so "Cracked Not Broken" was not worthy of the Don Haig Award...boo hoo. The following is a note that appeared on the Hulu website last week and is worth a thousand awards of any kind. Thank You Alicia Sheerin !!! **** At least one... "Just wanted to let Lisa and Paul know that this documentry saved my life tonight. As a 40 year old woman who has struggled with addiction for over half her life. I manage my disease with a 12 step program. I didn't go tonight due to the awful heat and started to think about getting high ( I only have 18 days this time), While watching the film, my neighbor knocked o the door and asked if I wanted to do some crack (we have used together many times) and having this on the screen helped me to say no. Then I called another recovering addict. Bless you both for helping me get another day!" Alicia

Jun-16-2010 - and the winner is...

The Don Haig Award was given to two filmmakers this year at Hot Docs...Philip Lyal and Nimisha Mukerji who together have produced one documentary called "65 Red Roses" which screened at Hot Docs in 2009. Congratulations.

Apr-26-2010 - ADDICTION TV

When I shot "Cracked Not Broken" in 2004 there were no reality shows dealing with "Addiction" on Television. Today a Television Junkie can get their fixes by watching the following... Intervention: (A&E) Celebrity Rehab: (VH1) Addiction: (HBO) Hoarders: (VH1) And in true Television irony Corey Haim was planning a reality show called "Drug Addiction" just before he died of a drug overdose this year. And this is only my two cents but I think Corey suffered from another kind of addiction called "CELEBRITY"...the drugs were to numb his pain. Sorry Corey...R.I.P.

Apr-15-2010 - "Gone Not Forgotten"

The location where "Cracked Not Broken" was shot was recently shut down. I only visited the Bay Street Motel one time for 45 minutes - and it still effects me everyday . R.I.P. * B.S.H.

Mar-30-2010 - NO !

From Hot Docs: Hello, Thank you for applying to the Don Haig Award presented by documentary. Throughout his life, Don Haig gave generously to emerging filmmakers. He contributed his time, knowledge and resources to helping filmmakers nurture their talents. This year, we received an astounding 56 applications from across the country. After careful consideration and deliberation, I regret to inform you that you have not been selected for the Don Haig Award presented by documentary. The winner of documentary�s Don Haig Award will be announced at the Hot Docs Awards on Friday May 7th, 2010. We appreciated the opportunity to consider your work, and wish you well as you continue developing your skills as a documentary filmmaker. Sincerely, Michelle * as a filmmaker and photographer i have received many "thank you for applying" letters for various projects over the years. It is part of the lifestyle. Although I never expected to get this award I am interested in who will take the honor. It is a relatively small community of Documentary filmmakers here in Canada and I probably know most of the "astounding 56 applicants". Congrats to whoever wins and I look forward to looking at your work. paul

Mar-23-2010 - The Don Haig Award 2...Tom Powers

Tom Powers is the Executive producer of "Cracked Not Broken"----------------------------------------------------------------- To Whom It May Concern Re: Paul Perrier - The Don Haig Award----- I launched my company in 2005 with the lofty goal of producing Content That Matters. I defined this at the time, more by what it wasn't, than what it was. Having come from the world of manufactured Reality TV, I had come to the conclusion that the world did not need another reality series - particularly from me. I needed to work on things that mattered. I wasn't quite sure what that was yet but I knew I would know when I found it. Enter Paul Perrier. Paul came to me with a project about a coke addict concert promoter from Toronto. I was impressed but the project required a lot more than I could give at the time. I asked him if he had anything else that might be further along. He answered that he had something I should see which featured his wife's best friend from childhood - a 45 minute interview on one tape. I took it away with pretty low expectations - how wrong I was. Paul's interview of this 37 year old crack addicted prostitute from the "right side of town" hit me so hard in the "gut" that I had to walk away from the screen take a deep breath and come back. The impact of what I had seen wouldn't leave me alone and to this day has as much pull on me as it did the first time I screened it. It was that good. I knew I had found my first project. To execute this kind of film - 90% of which could be considered a single shot - demanded someone with finely tuned instincts, skill, courage and compassion. It is an absolutely unique piece of work, a breakthrough in documentary that will be vital and relevant for years to come. Recognized as such by HBO, the film featured prominently on that networks Award Winning Addiction Project. It has also travelled with Paul and it's subject to The Oprah Winfrey Show, 15+ Film Festivals, a dozen other broadcasters around the globe and over 200,000 viewers on HULU. Most importantly, the film has given its subject the courage to become clean for the first time in 25 years and to enter college last September. She is currently a straight "A" student. I am very proud to have produced this film and grateful for the impact it has had on its subject, the thousands of kids that have watched it and our company. Paul's uncompromising approach to his work and the traditional broadcast/film industry in this country has held him back. His doesn't fit nicely into the Canadian funding system. I think this is his biggest asset and his biggest challenge. Cracked Not Broken was produced outside the system because no support could be found within it. He currently has several unique projects in development that deserve support. He is an emerging artist who's body of work demonstrates that he is deserving of being nominated for The Don Haig Award. What this award will do for him is provide the profile, encouragement, recognition and flexibility to continue to produce groundbreaking work that matters. Our industry needs Paul Perrier. Yours truly, Tom Powers Executive Producer, Cracked Not Broken

Mar-23-2010 - The Don Haig Award 3...John Hoffman-HBO

John Hoffman is the Vice President of HBO Documentary programming... To whom it may concern: It is my pleasure to be writing you in support of Paul Perrier's nomination for the Don Haig Award. I came to know Paul's work when HBO acquired his film "Cracked Not Broken" as part of the "Addiction Series Project" which aired in 2007. A strong dimension to HBO Documentary Films' personality is the cinema verite style of filmmaking and when we saw Cracked Not Broken we were amazed at the immediacy, the intimacy and the honesty that Paul was able to establish with his subject. We have come to understand how rare these instincts and talents are and we were proud to include the film in our award-winning series. Te form of the film , 90 % of which was shot on one tape, is quite unique and shows great instinct. It's "rawness" fully brings out the powerful story of a truly unique and remarkable character. It is the mission of the Don Haig Award to nurture emerging talent and we at HBO feel strongly that Paul is deserving of their support. Sincerely; John Hoffman

Mar-23-2010 - The Don Haig Award ...Paul Perrier

The "Don Haig Award for Documentary" filmmakers is awarded annually as part of the Hot Docs Festival in Toronto. Filmmakers are invited to submit why they believe they are deserving of the award (and the $ 20,000.00 cash prize that comes with it). To qualify , you must have produced 3 documentary films and each filmmaker needed to get 3 people in the industry to write a one page letter backing each submission (as well as 6 copies of each film?). I decided to enter this year, even though I knew that under no circumstances would I be the recipient . I found out last week that my hunch was right. The winner of the award will be announced next month. In the next few blogs I will reveal what what I wrote and what some people wrote on my behalf. Here is what I wrote for my entry----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the 1930s, John Grierson defined the genre of documentary film in his essay First Principles of Documentary. Grierson's principles of documentary were that cinema's potential for observing life could be exploited in a new art form; that the "original" actor and "original" scene are better guides than their fiction counterparts to interpreting the modern world; and that materials "thus taken from the raw" can be more real than the acted article. There is an old saying that truth is stranger than fiction and as I look back on my first decade of filmmaking, I couldn't agree with the statement more. The link between my first film and last film is so random and right that if someone wrote it, no one would believe it. Briefly this is it. The first person I interviewed in my first documentary "Marymount Again..." (1999) was Patricia Algorroti, an old high school crush of mine from 1977. Patricia told the story of her descent into drug addiction starting in high school and eventually hitting rock bottom a few years later when she married an addict and her life spiraled out of control. At the reunion she had 10 years of sobriety behind her and was starting to work and help fellow addicted women. Fast forward seven years later and Lisa the subject of my film "Cracked Not Broken", who had been trying to use the documentary to help herself and educate others since we first screened it for friends and family at the Regent Theatre in Toronto in September of 2005, had relapsed many times and her lifestyle was back to the point where she was in the original film. In September of 2007, Lisa was surfing the Internet and found a year long sobriety program in Ottawa called "Empathy House for Women" which had a spot available if she could get herself there. Lisa did - and has been clean and sober ever since. She is back at University and getting straight A's in her studies. The truly remarkable part of this story for me as a filmmaker is that Patricia Algorroti is the Program Director at "Empathy House for Women". Therefore the drug addict from my first film helped the drug addict from my third film to sobriety. I have always believed that documentary films are powerful tools that can change people�s lives and the world in positive ways. Should the panel decide that my work is worthy of the "Don Haig Award", I plan on sharing the prize money equally between Lisa (towards her education) and to "Empathy House for Women" in Ottawa, for the courage that my friends displayed by exposing their stories for the greater good of mankind. "Cracked Not Broken" continues to inspire and shock people around the world Thank you for your time and interest. Sincerely: Paul Perrier Canadian Photographer/filmmaker

Mar-23-2010 - The Don Haig Award 4... Drew Harris

Drew Harris is a friend who put a lot of his time and energy into helping Lisa and "Cracked Not Broken"---------------------------- To whom it may concern: It's agonizing really, everyone I meet these days call themselves filmmakers and when asked, they invariably say "oh yes, I am shooting a documentary that will help change the developing world, to end global poverty and change the course of human history as we know it." and I say, "that's great, it's a rather large task but I'm sure you can do it". I am not a filmmaker, nor do I aspire to be a filmmaker. I, like many live vicariously through the eyes and lenses of those few independent filmmakers that can and do help change the world, by even in the smallest of ways. Sure, I could go on and on telling you what a great new filmmaker Paul Perrier is and why I believe he should be the next recipient of your fine award, but I won't. That would be the equivalent to stating "his films will change the world" and this I believe is putting the proverbial "cart before the horse", However, having said that, I do believe, given the opportunity, Perrier can do just that, "put the cart before the horse". Now that would be changing the course of human history in my opinion. I have worked with Perrier for quite a number of years, and yes, like you, I'd agree, he's one of the the best in the business. Is he great? well, that's a term left for "year end sales" and for those who have changed the course of human history. Trust is what we put our faith in. Awarding the next recipient the prestigious Don Haig Award is all about trust, simply put, if someone tells you that he/she can put the cart before the horse, well, we have to believe them. I believe Perrier in what he says he'll do. He's tenacious, determined and by far, one artist/filmmaker that I can honestly say I trust what he says and what he will do when allowed the opportunity. Shall you require any further information or would like to discuss this personally, I can be available via skype, email or by phone. Thank you Best Regards, Drew Harris, Penang Malaysia

Mar-08-2010 - Still Marching

March already! "Where" is our time going ? "What" can WE do? "How" can WE do it ? "WHY" do We do it ? "When" I figure it out... I'll let you know !

Dec-27-2009 - Merry Christmas...2009.

To everyone involved in any way with the "Cracked Not Broken" project I wish you all a happy and healthy Holiday this year. 2009 has seen the film continue to evolve and inspire & irritate people all over the world. I believe big things are going to happen in the coming year. All the best paul

Nov-24-2009 - This Beautiful City...

I was hired to shoot still photographs last month for the Directors Guild of Canada Awards in Toronto. During dinner I sat beside an actress who's name was Kristen Booth. We chatted about the industry briefly and I asked her what kind of work she has done in film and TV. She named a few shows she was in and then mentioned a film called "This Beautiful City". I told her that when that movie was filming a few years back I got a call from an actress asking if she could buy a copy of "Cracked Not Broken" to use as a study for her role in the film. Did she know who that was ? She said "I thought you looked familiar? Your documentary was such an integral part of my character development and it chilled me to the bone - amazing! Thank you". It's a small world out there...

Nov-23-2009 - Dr. John...

On Novemebr 11th 2009 Dr. John Fitzgerald wrote a blog about the film at the following address: http:///www.addictionmanagement.org . It is an interesting read on many levels. And the responses to the article are also very interesting. Thanks for the input!

Aug-29-2009 - Marymount Again...

It was 10 years ago this weekend that I shot my first documentary "Marymount Again..." . I watched it again yesterday for the first time in about five years. It is a pretty cool film as I distance myself from it somewhat. 1-Michael Jean (now our Governor General) does the introduction to the film and delivers a great intro. 2-The super 8mm film I used in the film called "The Making of Cruising" is a brilliant film. 3- I still get shivers when I here the song "NDG" performed by the Discords. 4-Patricia Algorroti-the girl next door, who tells her tale of drug addiction in such a powerful speech and who would play such an important role in the sequel of "Cracked Not Broken"- if it ever gets made. 5- Peter Hagele - The Artist, was such an interesting character and helped a lot with how this film was pulled together. His song "Cowboys and Indians" in the film is brilliant. 6-Terry O'Malley - the Nerd, had the performance of the evening I thought. I had hurt him and he wanted it known. 7- Ray Cassel - The Juice, Rays impromptu version of rays Rap was as cool as I remember it in high school. I love the Juice ! 8- My buddy Dale Clark who had never edited anything in his life bought a G-3 and final cut pro, and we spent three months putting a puzzle together. Dale would end up writing and performing three beautiful songs...My favorite and the most meaningful for me was "Wet Paint". Fuck? 9- The Barbie Dolls- I appreciate now how brave these girls were to speak on camera. They elegantly demonstrated how mean people can be to others when they are "pretty". 10- One of the slides I use at the very beginning of the film says is a quote by "Michaelangelo" that said "I am still learning". Man am I learning shit. 11-Just after that scene I open a door and say how "surreal" it is to go back in time and see these people again. Going through that door was the first step in what has been a ten year journey so far.I have thought about going out the exit many times, but I guess SURREAL is how I really like it. 12-After the film aired on CBC's Rough Cuts, it was licensed to CTV and The Life Network and they needed an extra 7 minutes for their television hour, so I edited an Epilogue section that was shot at the first screening of "Marymount Again..." one year after the reunion in the auditorium of the school. Both my films end with the screening of the film ? Thats weird. 13-I could never make the film today because of "facebook", it would have taken the "surprise" element that makes the film work. 14- I have finally figured out my next film and first since releasing Cracked Not Broken in "2005". Things may get more "SURREALER"?

Aug-11-2009 - Hulu Revu's

Sometimes my life is like an America's Got Talent show - 24/7. Viewers on Hulu.com can rate and review my film whenever they are moved to . I have posted some rude and insulting comments by viewers earlier to demonstrate how mean people can be as they hide behind their computers. The last time I spoke with Lisa she said that reading some of these entries brought her to tears. I tried to tell her that there will always be ignorant people who don't understand, but there are also a lot of people who actually "get it". The following are some 5 STAR reviews from people who have obviously been affected by the film. I hope every day that one day Lisa will give me her blessings to make my sequel to this film as she had promised when we set out on this experiment. I believe it will help her, her daughter and thousands and thousands of people in similar circumstances out there looking for some hope-inspiration...
Thanks to every one who took the time out of their lives to add to the story. Believe.

Thank you HULU and Lisa
This is such an important movie! As I am watching it I am waiting for word of the release of my son- in- law from prison, there because of burglary charges, stealing to buy drugs to feed his habit. I am waiting for word of where my son has been transferred to prison for violating the probation he couldn't keep because of his addiction to drugs. Just "normal" middle class kids, from good homes, good schools, great futures, all thrown away because the all-consuming power of these drugs on their brains and their bodies have caused them to do things they never in their lives imagined they could do to themselves, to their families and to total strangers. The impact on our family can not even be put in to words. As long as Lisa keeps trying she is a hero in my eyes. What else can anyone do but to keep fighting and speaking out against the evil that drugs have brought to our world. She is very courageous to allow herself to be filmed in such an honest , public way. I hope she makes it to sobriety and peace and that her daughter and friends recover, also. It must have been very hard for her friends to film her and watch the things she was doing to herself. Please keep showing movies like this, if it stops just one person from heading down this terrible path it is worth it, because that one person affects so many many lives.

Simply the truth
This is a must watch film. It is not a normal film about addiction with all the stats and interviews with other addicts and things we would normally see, instead it is a very honest very brave look at how one girl who is an addict not only survives but sees herself and feels about herself and her addiction. It is simply the truth. Sadly not all of us want the simple truth but I for one am happy I watched it all.

I love the Movie!
I love this movie as it seems to me to display a real life addict not the crap you see usually come out off Hollywood about addicts. I felt this was far more realistic. I agree that it should have showed more... I think maybe they were hoping it would be a huge moneymaker and they could do a part two and make more money. Still a great film.

Against All Hope
As a recovered addict myself I admire this courageous and unblushing look into the world of addiction. It was equally heartbreaking and inspiring. I found myself wishing I could wrap my arms around Lisa and make all the pain go away. I believe this documentary could open the doors of compassion and understanding to anyone who has had a friend or loved one who suffers from an addiction.

Not too shabby
Honestly, parts of this were engrossing, but I think that's because I looked at it as the reality of this woman's life instead of a "film."
It's a documentary, people. Get off your high horses.
While the filming itself did seem amateur...honestly I think it fed into the nature of the message. That this is a f**cked up woman who needed to get something--anything--out. I think, while it was probably the crack talking, it was still brave to agree to expose herself in such a harsh light and open herself to so much criticism. Fact is...it did what it needed to do. It opened doors and gave her the ability and means to get clean. It also provoked discussion, even if it is criticism, which means that it's brought -some- amount of awareness to someone out there.
Lisa, if you still keep up with this...my hat's off to you. I've never been and never will be an addict of drugs...but I have family members who are and I know how hard it is to kick this. I know the shame that you feel for things you have done; the sorrow you feel for having no one to blame for that shame...but life goes on. And yours will as long as you're clean.
To the filmmaker, bravo. You did your job and you did it well. If only people would stop focusing on the filming and focus more on the message that you were trying to get across.

Great Movie
I just became a youth advocate. In this field we're trying constantly to give kids information about drugs that will give them the ability to make the right choices. Instantly after seeing 'Cracked but not broken' I called my coworker and told her this is what we should be showing the other advocates and the kids. This is the most realistic view I've ever seen of an addict.

Real
I don't think this film is trying to be extremely touching or create emotional sorrow, i think it's just trying to show a gimps of a hard knock life. done well.

A Must Watch
This is a very touching story you must watch. Lisa has been clean since Oct 2007 and I hope she can keep it up. Watch this and you'll learn that even a smart, witty, attractive person with great friends and a strong support system can still fall victim to addiction.
To anyone out there who is addicted, I hope you watch this and it helps you in some way. She has kindly revealed herself during dark times for your benefit. Lisa is beating the addiction... and so can you. Good luck.

Amazing
If you do not watch this then you are missing out on a great story.

So Touching
Truth is inevitable. Truth is powerful. Truth is vulnerable. This story is all of these. Absolutely amazing.

This one hit home..
I loved this. Having a mother who was an addict (ironically he name too is Lisa). this film really hit home. My mom left me and my sister when we were young. She soon came back into our lives when she had another sibling of ours. TEN years later I find out that she has relapsed. By now I had just graduated high school. I can tell you, I have never actually faced the issue. I knew she had an addiction in her past, but the fact that i had to deal with it head on was something all new.
This film really brought back those old feelings, the anger, and the sadness. When Lisa read what her mother wrote, it brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly what her mother is feeling. And what sucks, is I'm not feeling it for my daughter, I'm feeling it for my mother. I just don't think life is supposed to work that way.
Kudos to Lisa for allowing this film to be shot. I hope and pray that she makes it thru this journey in her life.

I totally get it!
I remember watching this a few years ago. I myself am a recovering addict and this really does capture the reality of addiction, and what life is like- the desperation. Watching this really took me back, and at the same time makes me so grateful that I am not the person I once was. She is a brave lady. And when she gets clean this is always something she can look back on to remind her of the horror of addiction. TWO THUMBS UP!!

WOW
A bit more realistic than the evening news.... this is not for the faint of heart. I know it is hypocritical, and dumb of me... but an addicted woman is somehow more tragic to me. I have quite a wild personal history myself, lived clean and sober a few years now.... and have nothing but empathy for the still suffering addict. This is an unflinching look at what life can become, and does for countless people around the world. In the end playing with the fire of substance use.... anyone is a statistic.... there is a probability anyone can land here - or some other place of your own horrific design. A certain percentage of people just die, get sick- people get most hysterical about HIV... far easier to catch and more common and dangerous is hepatitis, plenty of other blood borne bugs to get as well.... comes with the turf. I was walking the other day, lovely afternoon, saw a cop and some medical guy processing a dead man... young, stiff, and very dead on a lovely day.... didn't even cover him up... the world going along at it's pace without him. I just reflected a moment, and kept walking... seeing that was what drew me to this film... a modest affirmation of my own commitment to myself. Thought the film was simple and great in a Cinema Verité sort of way.

Really very interesting
This film was really very interesting. You really do get to take a look into a world that is ignored by most people. And most people don't want to admit that there are SO many people out there like Lisa, it's not funny. But at least, she shed some light on the subject. I'm proud of her, just for being so forth coming and at least trying to clean up (it doesn't matter that she relapses) she's doing what she can. Good for her.

Moving.....
While reading the other reviews. i got the feeling that people were not as supportive as they should be. I think this piece is positively moving, inspiring and emotional. i think you captured the essence of the moment as well as the agony of her life!!!!!!! i think it was amazing!

Opened My Eyes
While viewing this video, the sense of how hopeless addicts feel really came across. Just to survive, Lisa played her "game" but she was not winning. I look at her as a brave, warm individual who wants to help others by exposing her story; she opened my eyes to how ordinary addicts can look. Makes me wonder how many people I see now may have an addiction problem. The audio was difficult for me to understand, but the jest of the conversations was made. My thoughts went to Lisa's daughter, parents, possible siblings and other people who care about her. I wondered what their relationships are like now that this movie has been made and is circulating on the Net. My heart goes out to all of them because it is difficult to watch a loved one ruin their life while feeling totally helpless to do anything about it. It has been four years since the film was finished and I wonder how Lisa is doing and pray that she is living a good life now.

Amazingly honest
This has got to be the best and most honest film on addiction I've ever seen, and aside from the fact that I guess the film maker was trying to create irony with the happy music (I personally felt that was a little tasteless), the interviews spoke for themselves. I still give the movie 5 stars, and I think Paul Perrier will go on to create more great docs.
I hope she can beat her addiction. There's little pieces to the puzzle scattered throughout this film, as far as why she does it. I feel for her, really. I hope she can beat the monster that is her addiction.
Great doc.

I like the reality of this film
I am tired of watching Hollywood propaganda.

Very real...
This was a very powerful documentary of Lisa's struggles with addiction. Her words, her world, her disease. As it's been a couple years since this film's release, I really hope she has broken her chains that bind her to the demon, the drug.
This video will indeed help people. It has to.

Real Documentary
Give this documentary a shot beyond the harsh comments that also posted rating it with with one or two stars. Lisa is functional drug addict. This documentary does an AWESOME job of featuring a person that looks like our sisters, moms, aunts, teachers, etc. It doesn't matter that it was shot in a hotel room. That is BEYOND the point. Instead of the director filming the "usual" addict...the one living in a crack house, dressing like a prostitute, overdosing etc, the viewers see someone who doesn't fit that stereotype. I think this is so powerful to watch because it's obvious that Lisa is an intelligent person that is addicted to drugs and we get to see how fast she switches personalities if you will when talking to different people. I'm a graduate student in a school guidance counseling program and will remember this documentary when talking to parents about their using drugs. You don't have to look, act, or talk like an addict to BE an addict.

Amazing!
Simply put , this film is an incredibly courageous story. It is raw and hides nothing. Their is so much beauty in that. I pray that Lisa has since found a way to sobriety. She is a good person trapped in an unforgiving disease and my hopes for her is that someday she will be a part of her daughters life. Paul , you are amazing for doing this.

Courageous and Truthful
As a fellow recovering addict I can relate to this documentary all too well. The stigma of addiction continues to infect our society on many levels. We use shame and blame to distance ourselves from the deeds. This is a disease that effects all of our people great and small. It's the soccer mom next door, the Orthopedic surgeon that might operate on you,or the newly retired librarian. It's everywhere...Especially now that so many people have lost their jobs and their sense of purpose. We tie our worth as a person so much into what we do for a living and how much money we make.
I think this film will help people, this is a true reality show. The courage it takes to be that honest to be that vulnerable. How many of us could do it, to be that honest on camera? Thank you for making this film.

Gripping
very, very touching. What an amazing person Lisa is. I think it's incredibly courageous of her to let herself be filmed so that she can show a different perspective on the "typical addict". I pray that she can completely "surrender" and be healed from this terrible disease. Lisa, if you read these reviews, I will continue to keep you in my prayers. GREAT film, great flow.....raw and vulnerable.

This could be anyone you have known
This film reminded me of the old Cagney flick "Angels with Dirty Faces" where in the crucial scene the difference between a life of crime (or despair) and a life of hope came down to the simple matter of who could run faster. Cagney's character is caught by the police and sent to reform school, initiating his downward spiral. His buddy outruns them and, given a second chance, becomes a priest. Lisa and her best friend from childhood start out on a similar path but Lisa cannot outrun the demons that from time to time visit all of us. The result is what you see, drugs, addiction and a seemingly wasted life, yet she speaks like a businesswoman as she conducts her affairs with her 'boyfriends'. This is her life and she almost seems comfortable in it. I don't think anyone could be totally surprised if they found out that someone they know well leads this kind of double life. I think the film was just about the proper length to tell this tale and it tells a story which needs to be told.

Simple yet powerful
This film conveys the very strong message, that Lisa could be someone you know. Addiction does not discriminate and tries to destroy everyone equally. I don't know what the solution is but maybe we'll figure it out after we learn more about the problem. Thank you Paul and Lisa for educating us!
Plain Jane

It was hard to watch this without knowing what happens to Lisa
I think that this was in interesting film in that it shows a day in the life of a person who is clearly having a huge internal struggle with something that has taken over her entire universe. The problem that I had with this film is twofold:
I don't have a strong sense of anything besides that afternoon in Lisa's life and that she does drugs as I didn't get much of a sense of anyone who loves her in that film. What happened to her daughter? How does her mother feel? Was her friend the only person willing to be interviewed about her? It's hard to connect with someone who is that destroyed when you only see them looking reasonably healthy and sitting on a bed in a crappy hotel room. I guess I didn't get a sense of her over time and how and who she is over time, day after day. Only a few moments. And it almost isn't enough to tell her full story because she clearly has a full story.
I wanted to know how she is now, today, and if she is still struggling with her addiction or if her treatment is working. I certainly hope she is better and on the road to recovery.

Powerful
Mesmerizing. What a shame such an articulate, funny, smart woman has the problems she has. I wish she only see herself as she truly is.

The Real Deal
There are so many films that depict "the addict" but none that I have seen that essentially take you along for the ride and the tortuous journey. I feel that the film was created in the most appropriate format allowing the viewer an unrivaled experience of the real deal, the 24/7 life of the an addict versus the standard "story".
As an addict it is refreshing to see that there is a film maker that can bring the viewer into the real world of the addict and allow the viewer to get to know Lisa the person and Lisa the addict as Perrier has done.
I hope that Perrier will continue to bring viewers films that do not simply tell a story but brings the viewer up this close to a persons story that is felt versus simply viewed.

Interesting
I am a police officer and it is fascinating for me to get a truthful look into this society that does not involve police action. I was a bit disheartened that there is a needle exchange that does front door delivery service, that does not even make it hard to shoot up, my heart goes out to these individuals but where was the do you ever get arrested conversation, how can you prostitute and do dope for that long and never touch on that subject, where's the RCMP's, I wish sobriety on Lisa and for her families sake probably more so than hers, she is an adult and it is my belief a little mind over matter may take care of the problem, I would be fascinated if she would do another video sober on how to make it harder on addicts.

I won't give up on Lisa
This is a compelling story, simply told. The filmmakers recognized their good fortune at having a brilliant vehicle in Lisa to illustrate the magnetic pull of addiction. They made the choice to mostly stay out of the way, and let her bring the story, to great effect. Lisa lets us see her - warm, appraising, vulnerable, matter-of-fact, in control, sweet, derisive, business-like, playful, self-protective. We drink Lisa in, not wanting to take our eyes off of her, because as long as she's talking to us, she hasn't been pulled all the way under. There's a powerful life force in her fighting against extinction. I'm rooting for all the Lisa's out there, and in particular this Lisa, who invited us to sit on the edge of her bed.

Congratulations Lisa
I went all the way back to the beginning of the posts here and read the interview with the film maker and at the time of the interview Lisa is quote "over a year and a half clean now." end quote
I thought this was an excellent short walk in the shoes of an addict. I found the film to be honest, heart breaking, and informative. I love that Lisa points out that most people think of "Crackheads" as the problem of those who live in the ghetto or slums. We think it is the people who are walking down the street talking to themselves or living in alleys. But as Lisa points out that is not the truth.
I also love that she was so honest about how she survives and how she keeps herself high. She blamed no one but herself. I would have liked to see her talk about what she was trying to keep numbed but at the same time I think it would have been a mistake if she had. I think it was much more effective not to because then the public would have seen her as making excuses.
One thing I would have liked to have heard is the actual comments that were being made by the people after they saw the film and talked with Lisa instead of just film of them talking, however, but not hearing that didn't ruin it for me.
Lisa said she wanted this film to help someone so that something good could come from her addiction and the horrible way she had to deal with her life. I am sure that this film, her involvement presenting the film, her talks etc have helped countless people and Lisa, if you are monitoring this it helped YOU and that to is a success. Be proud young lady you have truly succeeded in what you hoped would happen by opening yourself up like you did and Thank You for being so very brave. This is a MUST watch documentary.

Aug-04-2009 - Higher Education

I often get emails and occasionally phone calls from people who have seen the film asking about Lisa's state and what she is up to these days. So it is great to say that she will be enrolled in a 'social studies' program starting in September in Ottawa. I hope she excels at "higher" education in the years to come , and that it is easier than the 'high' education she received at the school of hard knocks.

Don't forget to do your HOME work !

Jul-27-2009 - Cracked Snags another honour...

Like the Energizer Bunny "Cracked Not Broken" keps going and going and.... This article went out on the wire today from the Washington Business Journal-written by Tucker Echols.

SnagFilms Celebrates Anniversary With Film Festival

Documentary Web site SnagFilms is celebrating its first anniversary with a premier from its most popular filmmaker.

District-based SnagFilms, founded July 17, 2008 by documentary film producer and Washington Capitals owner Ted Leonsis, is holding an online film festival to celebrate its birthday. The SnagFilms SummerFest will kick off with the screening of “The Entrepreneur,” a documentary presented by Morgan Spurlock, the creator of “Super Size Me” — SnagFilms’ most popular title in its launch year.

“The Entrepreneur” tells the story of director Jonathan Bricklin’s father Malcolm, who attempted to create, from scratch, a new American car company.

“The Entrepreneur” will begin screening July 24 on snagfilms.com, as well as throughout the company’s distribution network which includes AOL.com, Hulu.com and Fancast.com, for one week. The festival will continue with more exclusive, one-week showings of documentaries that have not yet been distributed theatrically or on television.

SnagFilms had a busy first year making more than 800 nonfiction films available for free viewing online and having generated more than one billion page views for its film widgets. The most popular films for the service’s first year, in order of popularity, were:

1-* “Super Size Me”
2-* “Confessions of a Super Hero”
3-* “Return to Tarawa”
4-* “End of America”
5-* “Cracked Not Broken”
6-* “The Impaler”
7-* “Asteroids: Deadly Impact”
8-* “Haze”
9-* “Darkon”
10-* “Into the Tsangpo Gorge”

Pretty cool !

Jun-02-2009 - Cracked Not Broken..The Poem

I found this poem on the internet while googling "Cracked Not Broken"

Cracked is my brain,
That burns in such pain.
Cracked is the connection,
Lost is the recollection.
Cracked is my leg,
Stroked with such a sharp peg.

Cracked is my eye, that detected such a lie.
Cracked is my heart,
I should've been smart.
Cracked is my lip,
Such a wide rip.
Cracked is my head,
As I lay in a soft bed.
Glossy are my eyes,
As the world hears my cries.

Dead is my head,
Died is my soul...
I now understand the rule
of the ghoul.

by Lexi

Jun-01-2009 - Tim O'Malley

I've never met Tim O'Malley but have gotten to know him somewhat through the internet. He first contacted me when he heard about "Cracked Not Broken" when it aired on HBO. Tim is an addict who has 13 years of sobriety behind him. I received an email from him last week in two parts after he finally worked up the courage to sit (or stand) through the film on Hulu. He wrote a review on the site about his thoughts on the film but sent me these notes as he was getting through it...

May 28th, 2009:
Dear Paul;

I started watching "Cracked" last night on Hulu.com,
I have seen several excerpts when we first
connected...but have never watched the whole
thing ...because it is so hard to watch !

Watching it was triggered by the death
yesterday of a woman I knew who had 16
years sobriety...she had gone back out 2 years
ago and died of cirrhosis yesterday...
She looked allot like Lisa.

This woman was there for me at several crucial moments in my recovery.
The night I drove back from Chris Farley's funeral
all bent out of shape from the celebrity presence
at the event...Plus I had only 9 months
at that time...She was the only woman
at a meeting I went to, I had driven straight
there from Madison to Chicago...

Anyway I watched the first half of Cracked
and felt I should say hi and ask about Lisa...and tell you
I thought of you last night and wondered how
you are doing too ?

I am well, got 13 years this past February,
I am engaged and still writing and teaching
at Second City

Take care
I will write you again
after finishing Cracked...

May 29th, 2009

Hi Paul
I Finished watching it last night...I was pacing and trying not
to look at the screen when she was hitting and missing
that made my palms sweat and made my skin crawl.
I almost threw up ... So nice job on that !

The review I posted was more "random thoughts" than anything...
You have created a piece that definitely arouses questions and thoughts from the viewer.
Theres something eternal about it...the lack of editorial comment
is a fantastic choice you made...
I loved the effects of blur when the cell rang.
I loved the color effect when she finally hit the coke...
The negative effect on the street

The wrap up went by too fast for me...I wanted to hear some
of the comments and questions at the premiere

It still scares the shit out of me to think of
her going on TV so soon after getting sober.
She was using it to raise cash...

Either way its a great piece and will echo
in your career for the rest of your life
"Godshow" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzoGJ_-Db9E )
has had the same affect for me...
Nice nice work.
Glad I know you

Love,
Tim O.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS- check out Tim's "Godshow" on You Tube !!!

Mar-20-2009 - FEEDBACK...

When I started to screen "Cracked Not Broken" I would get a lot of feedback from people. Sometimes I would get personally offended when someone would criticize the film or parts of it. Then I realized that no matter what the reaction was from people at least they were reacting and that is the sign that a film is doing it's job. Well the film has been on HULU for 72 hours now and it is getting some feedback for sure...not all of it good...but feedback none the less. Here are some of the negative ones...

From C.C. :
I seriously can't believe this one. The whole thing is LITERALLY some dude with a camcorder in a motel room for an hour with some nasty chick, while she shoots up one time, then keeps taking phone calls from prospective johns. Seriously... One dude, One camcorder, ONE HOUR of UNEDITED taping, during which time the girl shoots up ONE TIME... THAT IS THE WHOLE "DOCUMENTARY"?
To think that they actually call this a "FILM", and actually had an "opening" for it at some broke-azz Canuck theater in Toronto, MY GOD CANADIANS ARE LAME!!! And then to go around acting like this is some profound and meaningful piece of insightful filmmaking on the subject of addiction and the human condition.... PATHETIC.
AND THE DUDE SOMEHOW GOT HBO TO DISTRIBUTE THIS CRAP?!?!?
I only hope they didn't pay him anything for it. If so, I live in the mission district in San Francisco... I can walk outside my front door and tape more compelling drug activity than this at any given time .
ZERO STARS !!!

From J.J. :
This film maker is obviously self obsessed with his ability to use film editing software. The music is absolutely horrible. He shows the scene where she is at the premier talking and they mute it out??? I don’t get it. Personally I think the author of this garbage owes Lisa an apology because he had only one interest in making this film. That interest is himself. His use of music and slide effects is juvenile.

From C.C. :

Very interesting topic and subject but a lazy attempt by the filmmaker. I'm surprised that this is an HBO film.

From Joe.F :
I don't feel sorry for People like that, that is their choice if they want to live like that, no sympathy from me.

Alex Z. :
This movie is amateur at best...
Editing sucks, the camera...pleeease!! B&W and then color when she gets high? C'mon..High School production.... and then, let's face it, the director had only one and a half interview with this woman, there is nothing more interesting in this piece than in any television "Intervention" series.
and the flickering on the screen once in a while.... to accentuate ...what?...
Laughing at the negative "effect" when she gets out to look for the John....WTF ?
HBO, I hope you watch the crap you put your name on...

From A.P.:

I hated it! Privet school thats were they went wrong the girl wanted drugs so she got them from the rich kids. yes have you ever heard of poor kids smoking crack no an u know why because there poor

From Joey J.:
Although Lisa's story may have been somewhat compelling, the "filmmaker" was just terrible. Crappy quality of black/white digital film, inane questions, poor timing, just completely dropped the ball. I'm at a complete loss as to what this is doing on hulu, because is really the sort of sophmoric attempt at a documentary that should have been quickly and quietly forgotten. I don't get it.

From Benjamin L;
The chromatic shift after she shot up was in poor taste.

Ouch...still stings a bit but I would have been more upset if there was no reaction. Hit me baby...one more time...

Mar-19-2009 - HULU...

Starting today "Cracked Not Broken" is available to viewers in The United States only to watch for free on HULU.COM . Hulu is soon about to overtake "You Tube" as the # 1 video generated site on the net. As usual people in the US are reacting to the film and discussing it on the site or through personal emails...The following note was sent to Tom Powers about the film:

Tom:

"I just happened on your film "Cracked Not Broken" on Hulu.
What a compelling story, simply told, about the powerful grip of addiction!
Even Lisa, who obviously possesses a great store of strength and a
clear-eyed intellect, finds it next to impossible to pull away from that magnetic force.

As a filmmaker and journalist, and simply as a consumer of such media,
I so appreciate your work. I won't give up on the Lisa's of our world.

My compliments to Paul Perrier and the others who made the film."

Maria Fleet
m e d i a t h a t m a t t e r s
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you Maria for the note. It is always nice to hear from the viewers. One of the strange things to me as a Canadian is the lack of reaction this film continues to have on Canadians? This month it has also began airing on the Documentary Channel here in Canada, and has also been screened on the Super Channel and not one single person has made "any" comment about it. I recently approached a CBC Radio show called "Q" with Jian Ghomeshi to do an interview to talk about the film and promote the screening on their sister TV station (CBC owns the Documentary Channel). Needless to say it was the same old bullshit... "What's the Hook ?" is the question I always get?
Ummm...how about it is an important Canadian story that continues to break new ground throughout the world yet took over 5 years of battling to get a Canadian Cable Broadcaster ?

So long "broadcasters" . You will soon be as relevant as an 8 track tape recorder.

Feb-25-2009 - Slumdog Film Festival...

"Cracked Not Broken" screened as part of the first "Unesco International Film Festival" featuring films relating to drug issues in New Dehli this past Saturday afternoon. Gary Reid who started the festival sent me the following note after the festival...

Dear Paul

Overall the festival went smoothly. I would have liked a larger audience but
this is the first time an event of this type, just focused on drug use
issues, has been screened in Asia, let alone India. It is hard to gauge how
the audience react to such films , but I do know that from comments that the experience
was a revelation for many that did not understand the complexity behind those that use drugs.
Some have suggested I do it as a road show because the reality is it would likely
raise an even greater profile outside Delhi (this city is saturated with
cultural events 7 days a week). Film is an excellent medium to
reach out to the public and this is what I will continue to advocate for.

Best regards and I will always love Cracked Not Broken!

Gary

Feb-17-2009 - HOT DOCS to Honour Nevins....

Congratulations to Sheila Nevins of HBO who will receive the Doc Mogul Award at Hot Docs this year recognizing "an individual who, over the course of his or her career, has made an essential contribution to the creative vitality of the documentary industry, both at home and abroad.” Sheila was HBO Executive Director on "Cracked Not Broken" for the Prism Award winning "Addiction Series" last year. The Award is well deserved for her fascinating career in documentary film.
I got to meet Sheila before HBO acquired the film as one of 4 independent films that were supplementary to the Series. It was an interesting day...Tom Powers and I were flown and limoed to New York to have a meeting with John Hoffman and Sheila Nevins to screen and discuss potential changes to the film. While shopping the film unsuccessfully in Canada I refused to make any changes to the film that the broadcasters had suggested "IF" they were to air it. I wasn't sure how far I would budge...even for HBO-The Best Network on TV!
We were booked into a Hotel near Times Square and five minutes from the HBO offices. On the day of the meeting I walked around New York taking pictures and trying as hard as possible to stay in the moment. Our meeting was scheduled for 1:00 pm, so I met Tom at the front doors at 12:45. We proceeded to the lobby and checked in at the font desk. Five minutes passed with a lot of phone calls and nervous looks from the receptionist. We asked her if there was a problem and she informed us that our meeting was on the Upper East Side. So we hopped in a cab and were taken to a nice Upper east Side Apartment building. We are meeting Sheila at her place?
John Hoffman answers the door and we are led into Sheila's living room where she was Crackberrying at a furious paste. She got up, we shook hands, she had ordered New York bagels and coffee, she responded to some emails. My first impression of her was "eccentric", but she was pleasant in a bit of an abrasive way. Very New York.
We chatted about photography a bit as she had some beautiful original portraits and photographs from some very well known photographers on her walls. We then talked about the film for 10 minutes and what had happened since we first screened it in 2005. Then she plopped the DVD into the player and said "Let's watch".
Every screening of my film has been fascinating to me for many reasons - that continue to change as the story evolves. I was pinching myself thinking that HBO may be interested in broadcasting my film, but I still had to hear what changes they would want. Sheila paid very close attention but had to take two emails during the 53 minutes of the film. After the filnal credit rolled Sheila looked at John and said "So what are we here to discuss? John asked if there was anything she would liked changed. She thought for 10 seconds and said If we could put an extra slug at the end of the film that brought the viewer up to date as to where Lisa was at in her addiction then the rest of the the film was perfect.
DEAL !
And HOT DOCS, the Festival that booted my film from it's program in 2006 for what I consider questionable reasons, is honouring it's Executive Producer for her essential contribution to the creative vitality of the documentary industry.
In film, that is called irony...

Dec-10-2008 - Is there a Doctor in the house?

I asked Dr. Gabor Maté to write a little something about "Cracked Not Broken" for me and this is what he said...

"Paul Perrier's Cracked Not Broken is an intimately personalized look
at addiction. Its real-time depiction of a few hours in the life of a
woman who supports her cocaine habit through her work in the sex trade
is humane without being sentimental, starkly honest without being
prurient, dramatic without being exploitative. Watching this
documentary, one is left with a deeper understanding of the addict as
human being and, too, with a sense of how blindly inadequate are the
facile judgments "respectable" society tends to visit upon addicted
people. Not least, the film invites a compassionate exploration of what
addiction is about, how it arises, and what may done to help people
overcome its lethal grip."

Gabor Maté M.D., author of /In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close
Encounters With Addiction.

Please check out the good doctors important work at http://www.drgabormate.com

Dec-07-2008 - Close Encounter with Dr. Gabor Mate

"Cracked Not Broken" screened to a sold out house as part of Bruce Saunders exellent "Movie Mondays" in Victoria B.C. on November 24th with special guest speaker Dr. Gabor Maté author of the book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts-Close Encounters with Addiction." This is the second year that Bruce has screened the film as part of his series of films that focus on addictions of all sorts. There is a three part video of Dr. Maté talking about the film and other addiction issues that are truly fascinating at the following address (links are at top of page) http://www.moviemonday.ca/events/cracked.html
There is a strange renewed interest that I sense developing around the film again. I knew when I first watched the footage that it happened for a reason. The interesting part has been trying to uncover what that reason is.

Dec-02-2008 - CRACKED IN NEW DEHLI

Due to many circumstances, it has been a while since there has been an "official" screening of "Cracked Not Broken" in the last year. Recently we were contacted by Gary Reid who lives and works for "UNESCO" in India. He wrote...

"I have just been given the green light by UNESCO India and National AIDS Control Organisation, India, to piece together a film festival on drug use issues here in New Delhi for the general public, not linked with any conference. It is a free public event. I would really like to show your film "Cracked Not Broken" here in Delhi. What I am doing is not part of my job description ( I am doing this outside of work hours) but I am committed enough to know broad ranging drug use issues are of interest here in India and film is a perfect medium to get messages out to those to better understand the complexity of this specific topic. Such a film fest has never been held in this country before. The event is held in late February"

And so the film continues to break new ground over three years after it was completed.

On another note, last night I did a radio interview about the film for some students at the "St. Albans Boys and Girls Club" in Toronto. The topic of the radio show interviews this year is "drug addiction". It was an enjoyable hour with some talented young kids learning new skills. My nephew Gabe is a councilor at the club and when one of the teens mentioned that they had heard about the film he asked me if I would mind coming in to talk with them. I was delighted as that is what the film is all about. It had been a while since I had watched the film so I did before going to talk with the kids. The more I am distanced from the film the more surreal it feels. I still think it should be mandatory viewing for all high school kids in Canada. (Then the WORLD!!!)

Nov-18-2008 - Movie Monday

This coming Monday November 24th, "Cracked Not Broken" will have a free screening in Victoria B.C. as part of Bruce Saunders "Movie Mondays". This is the second year in a row that they have chosen to screen the film. On hand for this screening will be Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician/public speaker and author of a new book called "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts-Close Encounters with Addiction".
It is nice that the film is getting another screening and that people want to talk about an issue that from my experiences so far lead me to believe is one of the most taboo subjects there is. So thanks again Bruce for being a true supporter of the film. As Lisa says at the end of the film "If we can at least talk about addiction, then maybe something positive will come out of it ?"

Great advice, let's talk...

Nov-17-2008 - C.N.B. - F.O.W.

I Googled the film today and noticed that "Cracked Not Broken" was selected as the "Film Of the Week"
for in November on a website in the US called "Readitnews.com" . It is linked to the "Snag Films" website where you can see "Cracked Not Broken" for free if you live in the United States, it cannot be watched in Canada. As usual the film seems to continue to get some of the attention it needs in the States and is still being resisted here in Canada. Why is this ?

On the Snag website there are also some interesting comments left by viewers. Here are a couple:

Lisa,

I just want to thank you for sharing your story and putting yourself out there, you are a very brave young woman. Seeing you be so real and feeling your shame right along with you, I want to reach out and hug you and tell you that I love you. I’m sure that God will bless your honesty and openness and use this film to educate those who are ignorant and don’t understand.
Keri
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lisa,

God bless you. Forgive yourself. Realize none of us do the right things all the time. My wife and I have tried quitting smoking several times. No dice. And that is just smoking Camel Lights; although Camel lights are a smooth blend of Turkish and domestic tobacco. We will continue to try. I also am aware of the struggles with mental illness. Former girlfriend had Bipolar disorder, with Borderline Personality to boot. She could not help doing the things she did. That was the way her brain was wired. Forgive yourself. Then find an environment that you can heal. I hope this is not preachy. Watching the video makes me want to reach out and hug you and make it all better. Doesn’t work that way. But I can see in the video you have more than enough strength to do this. Just do it. Forgive yourself of the past. Can’t change yesterday, but you can change tomorrow.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you Lisa for allowing us to peak into your world. You have made me more aware of just how difficult it is to beat the crack addiction. I now have more compassion and understanding toward crack addicts. God bless you, I am praying for you!

Lynn

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lisa:

Amazing courage to open oneself up so honestly. I too left with a different, better understanding of addiction. Thank you. Good luck and God bless.

Liz

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An unbelievably good film that really digs deep into the heart of addiction and all that it can consume. This film made me take a hard look at my drinking habit and really has given me some strength to finally move onto the next chapter of my life, sober. Thank you for this.

Scott

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I sat down and watched this video and I believe we walked away with a better understanding of what life is like when dealing with an addiction. Thank you, Lisa, for being vulnerable and sharing your story.

Wild Grace

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having had so many friends go down this path, Lisa will end up dead, And what a shame, she has so much to give. Goodbye Lisa.

Charles.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I prefer to remain optimistic?

Oct-06-2008 - MIRACLE

Do you believe in Miracles?

This is ONE... Lisa is celebrating ONE year of sobriety today.

So to every ONE who got behind this film in any way ... You should be proud to have taken a negative and turned it into a positive. Just like a photographer.

And on behalf of every ONE involved I would like to congratulate Lisa and wish her the best on her journey.

PP

Sep-12-2008 - 3 Years...Has anyone seen an Elephant?

A rough cut of "Cracked Not Broken" was screened 3 years ago this evening at The Regent in Toronto. It was the reaction from the people who dared to show up to that screening that reinforced my belief that the footage, shot unplanned and in real time, in a hotel room on Bay Street could possibly lead Lisa to sobriety. It's been a mother fucking roller coaster ride from that moment on. We tried to "market" the film in order to keep the project going but from the start was obvios that there were going to be HUGE barriers. First and foremost was the point of the film..."Let's at least TALK about addiction"... lets about the "Elephant that has been hiding in the living room" and maybe some positive changes would result because there was nothing good that had come from her addiction. Maybe it could help ONE person?
We had entered the film into three respected film festivals soon after (Amsterdam/Sundance/Tribecca), all three of which rejected it. Being in the business I am in, I have received more than my fair share of rejections, but I was truly shocked that none of these Festivals gave the film a chance at exposure? Here was a film actively trying to save its subject...and I was documenting that process...
We then began to shop the film in to television Broadcasters in Canada, rejected by them all. Saying that it wasn't really a film...whatever that means? I thought they were high and perservered.
On a positive note we started screening the film in Private schools and I saw first hand how it encouraged dialogue in kids and was a powerful educational tool. However things ended up going it was worth it to be at those screenings, and I was at them all.
Much like the film, Lisa was relapsing and trying to find her way. I was advised by professionals in the addiction field that what I was doing might be dangerous for her recovery. Lisa had been in and out of countless treatment programs and was at the lowest point until smacked her upside the head by the film. Maybe they were wrong? Maybe interacting and inspiring people with her story and been given some responsibilities and trust was better then getting high all day and "dating" businessmen? Kookoo concept I know!
We continued to screen the films at schools and the local media began to pick up on the story a bit.
In early 2006 Lisa was on another downward spiral. She began to miss educational screenings for various reasons. Another blow to our efforts of getting the film seen came in March of 2006 when our very own Documentary Film Festival "Hot Docs" rejected the it because we had screened it at The Drake Hotel Underground as part of the sequel I was documenting... "there are rules you know!!!" F.U.
Right after that rejection and just when it looked like everything was going to fall apart, Lisa was invited to travel to California to try an experimental drug treatment at The Prometa Centre followed by a two month stay at The AA&E Retreat in San Diego through connections made as a result of the screenings. Soon after, we received the news that The Oprah Winfrey Show wanted to feature the film and Lisa on a show to be taped in two weeks time. Words can not describe this period. PERIOD!
Although the show was a joke from my perspective it still did lots of good for Lisa and finally for the film.
Immediatley we started getting requests from Film Festivals to come and screen the film. Lisa did two months of work in California and was coming home clean !!!
This was it...THE END?
I was right!!!
Wrong...
Four days after Lisa's HOMECOMING from two months sobriety in California she relapsed and began a slide that I believed was never going to end.
Fuck ?
After The Oprah thing and the media frenzy that that followed , Lisa decided that the attention from the media was too much for her and backed away from the project and work on herself. A good choice .
We continued to screen the film at Festivals and High schools throughout that year.
A big break for the film and using it for what it was meant to be when Tom Powers made a deal with HBO to be part of the "Addiction" that aired on March 17th 2007. My film was airing alongside work by some of the masters in the field...and it was getting attention. I felt lucky.
Lisa was on a run and called me in late August of 2007. I had not shot any footage of her in about a year but brought my camera with me that day. It was like "Groundhog Day", as I taped her getting ready to date another businessman. As I left she told me that she was going to a treatment Centre in Ottawa that she had been in contact with that month. I did not believe she would get there, or live much longer. I thought I would then have the ending that I dreaded.
Thank Whoever...She went.
Almost a year later Lisa is a month shy of 1 year sobriety. In an ironic twist she has been under the guidance of Patrizia Algorrotti at Empathy House, who ironically told me her story of addiction in my first documentary "Marymount Again...". This part reinforces my belief that the the nature of the film and how it happened and how I let a second story unfold in the natural way was the only way this could have worked...and thus the dilemma. The financing system in documenatry makes something like this impossible. But nothing is impossible...sometimes you have to go out on a WIRE !!! Go with your gut.

In a blog entry from last year I wrote that I thought the time to make the sequel documentary "Cracked Wide Open". I have been advised by people that matter that the film may harm Lisa and her child from the exposure it may get. , and the best thing to do is "hide the Elephant back in the Living Room" ???
Go figure... I disagree with this.

You can only hide an Elephant for so long!!!

The END? ...I was at a press conference last week during the Toronto International Film Festival for the film "RELIGULOUS" and Bill Mahr said:

"Art is never over...it is abandoned"

May-12-2008 - Time for a break...

This will be my last blog for a little while. After two and a half years of chaos trying to get this work out to the public I need sometime to re invent myself and work on something new. If there is any more news regarding screening for the film they will be updated on the site. On May 21st this month I am going to start marketing a portfolio of images that I shot in Las Vegas a few years ago. It is the first time in my career that I have ever put my art up for sale. The portfolio called "The Lost Lost Vegas Art Project"is the last series of images that I made on film. Shot in one afternoon on high grain black and white film this portfolio is as raw a look at Las Vegas as "Cracked Not Broken" was to addiction, I hope. As usual I am trying to do things a little differently. Check out the website at
http:///www.blatantexposure.ca
Not only will my images be available for purchase on a limited and signed edition basis, but I will be making large resolution images available for download to anyone who is interested on a "pay if you want" basis. A tip of the hat to "Radio Head" on this one.

May-01-2008 - THE EXPLOITED ?

I just got a copy of what is called in the industry a "Preview Report" on the potential sales of the film "Cracked Not Broken" from our new distributor ( * our old distributor could not sell it once ) after pitching it to broadcasters at recent industry events like MIPCOM or MIPTV etc.

Here is what it looks like basically...and some interesting observations...I hope?

So the document brakes down like this:

1-What Countries requested a copy of the film for screening-Prospective Licensee.
2-The Market it was pitched at.
3-The Response. Accepted or Rejected.
4-Comments.

Some Highlights...

The following Countries have requested the film and accepted it...

Australia. Israel. UK. USA, and lastly Canada (literally).

The following Countries have requested the film but have not made any commitments...

The Czech Republic. Estonia. Finland. France. Germany. Greece. Hungary. Lebannon. Poland.
Russia. Singapore. Slovenia. South Korea. Spain. Switzerland and the Ukraine.

The following Countries have requested the film but have rejected it without comments...

Denmark, India, The Netherlands and Sweeden.

The following Countries have requested the film but have rejected it with comments...

Thailand- Rejected by 2 broadcasters. "Too Hard hitting". This is too hard hitting for "Thailand"?

Norway- "She thought it was an outstanding programme, she personally loved it, , but the style of filming and the way the subject was treated was not right for them". I wish I could find out what "the way the subject was treated" means?

New Zealand- A nice rejection form letter. Hey if you don't have anything bad to say don't say anything at all!

Japan- "Wouldn't work for them". No comment.

Belgium- "Too boring. Have had programmes on the same topic which were much more interesting." Dude...You live in Belgium and you are calling my film BORING? I've been to chess games that were much more interesting than your country.

This was my favorite from

Ireland- "Absolutely hated it". He said it was exploitative and he was very uncomfortable with it. First I am flattered that my work can actually evoke hate from someone ? That is fascinating. Is it exploitative? This is probably the third time someone has said that to me. As for being uncomfortable with it...That is how the fucking movie is supposed to make you feel. What are you high or something?

There is my "Review" of the "Preview Report". This should help sales?

Apr-25-2008 - Thank you Mr. President

Last night in Hollywood California the Prism Awards were handed out and "Cracked Not Broken" which was nominated as part of HBO "Addiction" series received the "EIC Presidents Award". So I would like to take this opportunity to thank the President of the Academy !!!

Mar-25-2008 - How SWEEDE it is !

I read this news release yesterday about Prostitution in Sweeden and how they are trying to cope with this situation. Although it is not about "Cracked Not Broken", it deals with an issue that surprisingly was never
raised at any of the Q and A's after screening the film for the past three years. No one wanted to talk about Lisa's clientele...our well respected businessmen and fathers?

Dateline: GOTHENBURG, Sweeden

In 1999, after years of research and study, Sweden passed legislation that:
a) criminalizes the buying of sex, and
b) decriminalizes the selling of sex.

The novel rationale behind this legislation is clearly stated in the government's literature on the law:

In Sweden prostitution is regarded as an aspect of male violence against women and children. It is officially acknowledged as a form of exploitation of women and children and constitutes a significant social problem... gender equality will remain unattainable so long as men buy, sell and exploit women and children by prostituting them.

In addition to the two pronged legal strategy, a third and essential element of Sweden's prostitution legislation provides for ample and comprehensive social service funds aimed at helping any prostitute who wants to get out, and additional funds to educate the public. As such, Sweden's unique strategy treats prostitution as a form of violence against women in which the men who exploit by buying sex are criminalized, the mostly female prostitutes are treated as victims who need help, and the public is educated in order to counteract the historical male bias that has long stultified thinking on prostitution.

Mar-23-2008 - Easter Sunday

The true meaning of "RESURRECTION..."

Rect: right; straight; rule.

Sure:without doubt

Resure-rection: becoming sure again of What-Who is right ?

Mar-14-2008 - My Daily Motion...

If you want to see an illegal version of "Cracked Not Broken" on the internet, another Pirate has posted it in three parts on a web site called "www.dailymotion.com" . Of course the picture is really bad and the dialogue is off but other than that you can still see it for "FREE"?

Have fun...

Post Script-12:55 PM...The videos were taken down by the webmaster at Daily Motion. Another Pirate down !
http://www.dailymotion.com/Top-Notch112/Prostitution/video/x1x9ae_cracked-not-broken-1-of-3_street

Mar-13-2008 - The Prism's....

While doing my monthy "Google" of "Cracked Not Broken" I came across a news release that the film is nominated (as part of the Addiction Series on HBO) for a Prism Award to be handed out on April 24th 2008 at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

And what is a Prism Award?...this is from the press release at http://www.individual.com/story.php?story=79234984

"The Entertainment Industries Council's PRISM Awards continues to grow and attract the attention of networks, production companies, studios, and music companies that recognize the power of the entertainment industry to voluntarily bring accurate information to consumers for the good of all," said EIC President and CEO Brian Dyak. "Important and timely health issues such as substance abuse, bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and suicide prevention touches all of us. All of this year's PRISM nominees have done exceptional jobs at conveying real life through entertainment."

It looks like we are up against some tough competition...

Showbiz Tonight - "Lindsey Lohan Enters Rehab"
The E! True Hollywood Story - "Rock Star Wives
E! Entertainment Special - "Out of Control - 10 Celebrity Rehabs Expose"

and the winner is...

Feb-27-2008 - What is the role of the Artist ?

It's not an artist's responsibility. It's up to the people observing the art.

Feb-23-2008 - 1,460 days

It's been four years today since the footage that makes up most of "Cracked Not Broken" was shot. I watched the film again. I learned something new on a personal note... Any addiction can ruin lives.

Feb-20-2008 - A.B. SEE?

The end of my film "career " is in sight... THANK GOD!!!

When this all started in September of 2005, I made a vow that I would see the follow up to this film and it's possibilities through till the end. Of course I could not possibly know what that ending would be...Here is how the foresee the ending (trust me I have wanted to end this for a long time... it's killing me)

On September 12th, 2008 I would like to screen a version of "Cracked Wide Open" at the Regent Theatre in Toronto, three years to the day when I screened a rough cut of "Cracked Not Broken". The number three is a very spiritual number that can be interpreted in many different senses that all relate to the story that I will tell …

1- spirit/mind/body in a circle of synthesis.
2- past/present/future enclosed in the ring of eternity.
3- art/science/religion bound in a circle of culture.

When "Cracked Not Broken" screened that day I was hoping that Lisa would attend the screening with a months sobriety under her belt. That did not happen. I was disappointed but not shocked. I have been disappointed and shocked so many times since then that it all seems normal to me. Which is not normal.

In the "March 16th, 2007" blog just before the film aired on HBO I wrote that I would screen the sequel to the film on the one year anniversary of Lisa's sobriety. If things continue on the track they are heading, September 12th will be a couple of weeks shy of that anniversary (close enough for me). If that is achieved, I would classify it as nothing short of a miracle. What an ending/ beginning it will be for her.

It will be the ending for me though. I found out through doing this that the similarities between the prostitution racket and the film business are endless... Hmmmm ? No wonder drug addiction is epidemic in Hollywood. When you live this life for too long you need something to take the edge off.

It is so weird...I had a dream about all of this when I decided that I wanted to make a movie about my High School reunion in 1999. I think it was a dream? I remember a voice saying...

"If you want to make films you better be ready to deal with everything that is about to be dropped into your lap"...

Bring it on, I thought.

Throughout the following nine years (numerologically speaking, the number nine is the transition number. It is the last period of work before the end and starting over...and it is 3 x 3) I have had so many unbelievable stories come into my life that I have documented. For some reason none have taken off. I will complete them all in some form one day, but I believe that I have to finish this first.

I have been blessed with an opportunity to do something that I feel is important in my life. No matter what barriers continue to arise I am ready to battle.

Is it real, or Absolut Bullshit ?

I would say equal amounts of both.

Feb-18-2008 - Family Day

Today we celebrated Ontario's first "Family Day" vacation, which has been controversial to say the least. What a "Family" day it turned out to be. Lisa and her Mom and daughter came by in the morning for a visit. It was truly amazing to see the "gang" together again like this. What a difference the four months away from the chaos that is "addiction" really makes. On top of that Lisa has quit smoking cigarettes for over a month also.
Amazing.

I know she has to take everything one day at a time, but to hear her discuss the possibility of returning to school to get a law degree and help addicted women is nothing short of a miracle as far as I am concerned.
She will need her "family" more than ever to achieve this...but isn't that what families are about?

Feb-15-2008 - 58 days of luck !

My internet "Psychic" Sara sent me the following little note...

58 days of LUCK FOR YOU...

It's about to happen! I have seen great and positive CHANGES to approach you, Paul, in the coming days! But be careful, as you must be ready this time, if you want to take advantage!

Be particularly aware of the next new moon, as it can determine for you, the beginning of a new extraordinary phase of two particularly beneficial lunar months.

In fact, it is during these 58 days that your future will be determined, and the reason for my writing to you with priority, Paul, is that I know I can bring you all the HELP that you will still be in need of, in order for you to accomplish in life all of the things that you have long been waiting for.

I also know that you are on the right track, and that you now need a helping hand, in order to achieve total success. We have already met, (on the internet), Paul, but as you have been insufficiently confident, and you have not done all that has been advisable, many of your problems are still present, and you have not always found the solutions that you have awaited. I know why this is, and I will explain to you later in this letter.

I can already confirm for you that this time, you will have the certitude of seeing multiply your Chances of resolving each of your problems!

You are going to see the end to difficulties in your life, within this mysterious period of 58 days. It seems that this particularly favourable astral configuration will appear in your sky of birth. It is therefore important not to miss this ultimate occasion, as it is a particularly beneficial phase that fast approaches, and which will finally, if you accept my help, turn THE WHOLE OF YOUR LIFE around in a radical way!

This short and particularly beneficial phase (certainly one of the best that you will see within your lifetime), could produce for you, if you know how to make the best of it, an inexhaustible source of CHANCES that you mustn't once again let pass you by without making any effort to take advantage. That is why I am contacting you, following an intense feeling encouraging me to write to you today.

Concerning these positive and very important CHANGES, I am very keen for you to take advantage, so that your every day life should improve, and so that you should finally profit from a radiant future in all areas: MONEY, SENTIMENT, FRIENDSHIP, SUCCESS in every way. I have seen why the difficulties that you experience have come back in spite of the work that I have carried out on your behalf since the consultation.

There are many reasons for this, with which I am familiar. It wouldn't serve anything to name each one of them, but that which I can tell you is that the many problems that you have been encountering have been due to the general astral configuration that has not gone too well with your personal THEME (that which is of the utmost importance). At times that were very important, you haven't followed the advice in the messages that were sent out to you, as you were prevented by many preoccupations. You have not been able to read the SIGNS of DESTINY, nor to interpret them in time to follow the path of CHANCE, or to experience the Benefits, because you were submerged in worries, completely unaware of these signs!

The first cause of your repeated failure will soon disappear. Your personal THEME will join up in a few days from now with the general and particularly beneficial ASTRAL Configuration, but which will not last long (that is as I mentioned before, just 58 days).

The second significant cause will resolve itself all alone, and you need do for this to happen is to be enthusiastic and feel CONFIDENT! I am going to help you with the use of my OCCULT POWERS, my KNOWLEDGE of MAGIC, and of ASTRAL SCIENCE, and in this goal, I will be able to very quickly carry out a GREAT, PROFOUND and CONFIDENTIAL ASTRO CLAIRVOYANCE STUDY for you, so that many amazing revelations will allow you to know everything about YOURSELF, in other words, all the truly important things that you ignore, and this knowledge without any doubt is the key to your future success in every area of life.

In the extremely beneficial coming days, you are going to see, day by day, all the POSITIVE things that Life reserves for you: Money, Love, Friendship and Success in all areas. You will know with precision, when, where and how to not let the very best opportunities pass you by. You will learn to recognise the most effective ways to no longer let pass you by even the smallest of chances, so that you are able to take advantage as fast as possible!

In my GREAT, PROFOUND and CONFIDENTIAL ASTRO-CLAIRVOYANCE STUDY of your 58 days of LUCK, I will also be able to tell you how to resolve as fast as possible, all of your financial problems, and I will also be able to tell you about that which affects sentiment, concerning even the most delicate and most secret subjects. I will be able to tell you about your well-being, your OPTIMISM, and about the most efficient way in which to retain these things successfully.

As soon as you YOUR-SELF know the goal that I have chosen, you must decide if you agree to take advantage, and to be shown the RIGHT PATH to take, so that you do not again miss the Happiness that approaches. Taking the RIGHT PATH means really making the best of all the important THINGS that life offers and that in the past you have let pass you by, without even SEEING them. You will finally have the CHANCE to experience these things, and that I will, myself have the chance of revealing to you!

I can help you, Paul. I can guide you on this new PATH of LIFE, so that you will finally be able to seize, at all the right moments, all the good THINGS that your astral destiny reserves for you, as for far too long now, the negative forces have prevented you from taking advantage of them at the right moments.

It is now up to you, Paul, to make the next move towards Luck! Overcome your fears and any hesitations that you may have!

"I'll think about it"

Paul

Jan-28-2008 - 48

I turned 48 years old today. "Cracked Not Broken" screens twice today on the Super Channel.

This is my horoscope...

"You have a lot of fun playful energy to keep you entertained. You also have good and bad financial energies coming through, so be smart about your financial choices. There is a huge wave of positive energy coming into your mental health, and hidden truths sector that will be life changing to say the least. You will have the ability to not only heal old issues that have been holding you back, but you could also end up earning huge amounts of money through work within these types of industries. And your love life should benefit too."

Wow...I'm going to make money and get laid?...this is shaping up to be a great year !!!

I know what I have to do. I am still trying to figure out how to do it? I have 229 days to edit the sequel to this story. It will take an angel to make this happen.

I know they're out there...

Jan-23-2008 - "THE JOKER" IS ON YOU

I received a phone call from my friend and fellow photographer Blaise Hayward from New York City yesterday at around 5:30 PM. He told me that Heath Ledger had been found dead a few blocks from his studio in SOHO.
"What was the cause" I asked?
"Looks like a drug overdose" he said.
After watching some of the coverage of this story, I believe that Heath was an addict but I don't think it was drugs that he was addicted to...I think he was addicted to something just as powerful and dangerous as drugs.
"Celebrity" is what I think killed Heath Ledger.
Too bad...What a talent ?

Jan-22-2008 - A gold rush ?

While "googling" Cracked Not Broken yesterday I found out that the film will be screening as part of the "Blood Ties Harm Reduction Film Festival" in the Yukon on Sunday February 17th at 3:30 PM . This will be the northern most screening of the film and news to me ?

Hope it goes well.

Jan-11-2008 - Cracked in the QC

In the last blog I wrote, I said that I hoped "Cracked Not Broken" would continue to be screened around the world and become available for more and more people to see. And so it is...This past weekend we received an email from Bryan Albert Lim at the "Philipines College of Medicine". They are launching the "1st
Quisumbing-Escandor Film Festival for Health" featuring films that tackle the crucial health issues in the country and highlight the importance of the interaction of society with health that are usually neglected by most people. The festival runs from February 18- 21 in Quézon City, amigos!

Jan-01-2008 - ...and Happy New Year

"Cracked Not Broken" has screened about a dozen times so far on the "Super Channel" here in Canada. When the film has aired in other countries around the world I invariably receive lots of emails from people who have watched the film. The reaction from home... Nothing? Interesting, when the whole point of the film is to invoke some sort of dialogue.
Whatever.
The positive side of the "Super Channel" deal was that it gave us enough money to pay some people who were invaluable to the success of this piece. They never got involved to make money but went way above the call of duty - so being able to give them something before Christmas felt nice. Thanks again to Drew Harris, Paul Johnson and Carleton Lockhart for your help and patience. We also decided to donate some money, on behalf of the film, to the facility where Lisa is now residing in order to help them with the amazing work they do. Well deserved.
So what will 2008 bring for "Cracked Not Broken"? My wish is that it continues to screen and become available to more and more people around the world. If things keep going the way they are heading, I am hoping to screen a rough cut version of the sequel to the film "Cracked Wide Open" on September 12, 2008 here in Toronto (Location to be determined).

This will be interesting...

Dec-25-2007 - Merry Christmas

Dear Lisa: I hope that you continue to do the things you have been doing for the last three months. I know that the new year will be full of new adventures. You are a true inspiration.

PEACE

To every one who has has participated in the "Cracked Not Broken" story over the past three years...Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate, and may 2008 be good to you all.

Dec-09-2007 - SUPER CRACKED

My film "Cracked Not Broken" gets it's Canadian Broadcast Premiere on the "Super Channel" tomorrow evening at 9:00 PM. I am not too sure how you get to see the film if you are interested...but here is the web page for the film at http://www.superchannel.ca/movies/view/77/
This film has been like Kryptonite to broadcasters in this country. Since I first started to show it to the decision makers at the networks the reaction has always been the same...
"This is not a film, and you must change it if you want our money"
I refused to change it. You were wrong - "this is a film"...like no other.

Nov-26-2007 - What's so funny?

As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity.

I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?

And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?

cause each time I feel it slippin away, just makes me wanna cry.
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
Whats so funny bout peace love & understanding?

Elvis Costello- This Years Model- 1978

Oct-31-2007 - Cracked in Kitchener...Again

"Crccked Not Broken" screened as part of the "In the Minds Eye Film Festival" at the Kitchener Public Library last night. Paul Johnson and I made our way to beautiful downtown Kitchener, to document what I think may be the last public screening of the film before I start to edit the sequel ? Thanks to Michael Parkinson for screening my film for the second year in a row as part of his impressive program...Last year "CNB" opened the Festival. A rather small crowd turned out for the screening but the Q & A session after the film (and a sneak preview of "Cracked Wide Open") was as good as any. There seemed to be a lot of parents of addicted kids from the area who had strong opinions regarding the lack of "support groups" their were for family members of the addicted - so that they can try and come to terms with the reality of the disease and it's secondary effects.
Thanks again to everyone who makes an effort to come and see this film. Your words of support were appreciated.

Oct-30-2007 - Movie Monday in Victoria BC

"Cracked Not Broken" had a free screening in Victoria BC last night, as part of the "Movie Monday" series. Thanks to Bruce Saunders for screening the film. I participated in a telephone Q & A after the screening which was kinda cool. As I sat in my basement in my shorts and t-shirt with my dog lying beside me, I answered questions from the audience for about one hour. Sounded like a decent size crowd for a Monday evening, as usual I am always surprised when "anyone' goes out of their way to watch my work. This evening I am attending a screening of the film in Kitchner Ontario as part of the "In the Mind's Eye Film Festival". It is the second year in a row that they have screened my film as part of the festival.

Oct-23-2007 - 1 Pirate down

I sent a link to the Administrator at "Loudfrog" of yesterday's blog and they did the right thing by taking down
Beth's "Store"... and promised to look into the other films she was pirating. As pissed off as I was that someone had the gall to steal my work and sell illegal copies of it, I was also reminded of the old saying that "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".

Thanks Beth !

Oct-09-2007 - Cracked in Canada

After more than two years of whoring my film to Canadian Broadcasters, "Cracked Not Broken" will get it's broadcast premiere in Canada on the new "Super Channel" specialty station that starts Nationally in October or November ? Check your local listings!
Thank God for new blood in the Canadian system...The Emperor needs New Clothes !

Sep-12-2007 - Michael And Me...

I shot the Press Conference for Michael Moore's new Documentary "Captain Mike Across America" today. As I was leaving he got on the elevator right behind me. I introduced myself and said I enjoyed his films a lot. I handed him a copy of "Cracked Not Broken" and asked him if he would watch it and give me his feedback.

Aug-01-2007 - It's August...

We'll see ?

Jul-09-2007 - Back to the future

To whom it may concern:

Since I have no new news regarding the film or sequel to update anyone on, I thought I would post a link to where and how this film actually came about while working on another piece. It is dated from May 16th 2005 till September 30th at which time we built this site. (http://www.paulperrier.com/cinemablography/may16-2005.asp)

I may have to quit filmmaking to get this sequel done.

Stay tuned

Jul-04-2007 - Prince

EYE hear ya...ya...ya !

May-04-2007 - Kidd at the Dollar

To anyone who is interested...Kidd Rasta and The Peacemakers (Don't U Look at Me) will be performing next Thursday May 10th starting at 9:00 pm at the Legendary Silver Dollar Room as part of a tribute show we have organized on the eve of Bob Marley's death. Kidd is a very talented musician who's music I would like to feature when I get my "Looking for Rasta" film made someday. If you like live music this will be a great night.
And I leave for Vancouver at 6:00 am on Friday to attend the "Frames of Mind Film Festival" for "Cracked Not Broken".

Apr-30-2007 - Cracked Not Brokinski

I am exited to say that "Cracked Not Broken" will make it's Eastern Block Premiere on Monday May 14th at 18:25 pm as part of the 4th "International Drugs and Harm Reduction Film Festival" in Warsaw Poland. The film continues to make it's way around the world. Pretty cool.

Apr-11-2007 - Perrier in France

Lisa and I did an interview session with some "Media" students at Centennial College yesterday. It was a good class as the students were interested in the subject matter as much as the media exposure the film had received since we started this. It was refreshing to see how much research they had done on the film. Something I found lacking in my experience with the majority of "mainstream" media ...not all.
Usually over the past year and a half when we would attend a function relating to the film, I would interview Lisa on camera about her state of affairs. Although my camera was in my knapsack, I resisted this time. That part of the story ended as I said it would after the HBO screening. Time for some privacy for Lisa and high time for me to move onto new opportunities.
And speaking of Media and opportunities...starting this friday, I will be blogging for Playback Magazines Website (http://www.playbackmag.com/blog) as I travel to "MipDoc" in Cannes to pitch my film "Looking For Rasta" as part of the "Co-Production Challenge" which takes place on Saturday.
Please follow along as I add "roving reporter" to my CV.

Jimmy Olsen

Apr-02-2007 - The viewers have spoken...

Thanks to everyone who wrote in since the screening of the film on HBO. We have posted some of the responses under "About The Film-HBO Responses" on the main page. Very interesting reading. Also to anyone on the West Coast, "Cracked Not Broken:" will be screened as part of "The Minds Eye Film Festival" in beautiful Vancouver on May 12th -see screenings page for details.

Thanks

paul

Mar-19-2007 - The War on Drugs...

I never made it as far as Buffalo for the screening of "Cracked Not Broken" on HBO-2 Saturday evening. Instead I pulled into beautiful downtown Niagara Falls, New York ! I made it.

Lisa nad I received lots of increadible emails from people across the US who were moved by the film. I will be posting some of them soon once we get permission from the writers. One of the first email I got was from Derrick in New Jersey who said I could print his full name/address and telephone number if it would help get the message of the film out there...

Paul and Lisa,

Tonight as I was flipping through HBO on demand "Cracked and Broken" caught my eye. I am an avid fan of "addiction documentaries" due to the fact I am an addict myself...BATTLING ADDICTION...barely winning. As they say in recovery..."Fake it till ya make it".
It was very courageous of Lisa to put her life out in the open like that. I hope she truly understands the value of your efforts. Just like your synopsis states...I too was "born and raised in the right side of town"...with a great mother and father that have been married for 40 years. I graduated from an excellent 4 year State University, had a job making $100K a year...but my disease is really fighting my will to do the right thing. I have cleaned up for 6 months and got back on for 3...clean up for 3 months and got back on for 6. Right now I am on a 3 month clean streak...I am very fortunate that I still have my job at the rate I'm going. I am 34 and have one 6 month rehab under my belt...I got high within hours of getting home.

Unfortunately, the US is not as understanding as Canada is when it comes to addicts and assistance. Needle exchanges are few and far between with the exception of New York and California. You need a prescription to get needles to begin with in a majority of the states anyway. With both of those factors combined...addicts in the States are sharing points and most are using them 10-20 times over. I've seen people sharpening their needles on a damn matchbook!!! I have taken advantage of the Internet and never had to go through any of that.
The War On Drugs is about as successful as the War in Iraq.

I could go on forever but I won't...I just wanted to commend you both on your efforts and wish Lisa the best of luck in her struggle. I will include you in my "Serenity Prayer" tonight Lisa ; )

Sincerely,

Derrick
New Jersey

Mar-16-2007 - 20-20-24 HOURS TO HBO... I wanna be sedated

In 1981 I ran the first of 3 Marathons in Montreal. I didn't run the marathons because I liked running. I just wanted to see how far I could push myself physically. What I learned was the body can withstand almost anything, but it was the "mental" aspect of fighting the voice in my head that kept telling me to "just stop...you've done your best... take a break" and forcing each step till I crossed the line. Fuck the wall!
I'm glad I had those experiences because about nine months ago I hit the filmmaker’s wall. It was a mental battle to begin with but it got really mental after that. I can see the finish line...
I remember feeling after watching the interview that would become "Cracked Not Broken" on February 24th 2004, that an entire film had literally been dropped into my hands from a "higher" power that seemed to me to be a piece that could awaken Lisa and possibly help lots of other people also. So what did I decide to do? I figured that the film would find it's own path to where it was supposed go. It sat along side some of my other works in progress till Lisa paid us a visit in March of 2005. I thought she was about to die?
In June of 2005, I was hired by Tom Powers to shoot part of a documentary called "Independent America" in Bentonville Arkansas In the Wall Mart headquarters. Tom was breaking into the exiting world of Producing after changing his law career path. Little did Tom know how exiting things were about to become. I showed him "Shades of Pink" a documentary about the stand up comedy world that I have been working on since 1985, that I thought I should maybe finish? Then I showed him the rough footage from the interview. He thought it was as powerful as I had suspected and said his mandate was to create "Content That Mattered".
In late July of 2005, Nicol, Tom, Lisa and I sat on a terrace at Lisa's hotel and we discussed the concept with her. She was in.
On September 12th 2005, 125 people sat in the Regent Theatre in Toronto and watched the first "Rough Cut" of the film. Lisa and I answered questions from the audience (friends). I felt like I was starting to run a marathon again...and Mile #1 was a BREEEZE !
What has transpired since watching the film in my bedroom four years ago to the potential audience that will watch my film in the United States in 24 hours makes me believe in miracles. I have watched the film so many times in so many great locations under so many varied circumstances with crowds as high as 450 people. From Private School Girls to "The Drake" crowd. The film ran for 12 hours straight at the Camera Bar on Queen Street West as part of an all night Free City Wide Art Festival-unbelievable evening. There was a standing room only screening of the film in the only non drug related Film Festival it got into, in San Francisco at 5:00 PM on Mothers Day last year. There was Oprah. I also got to go back to California to interview Lisa in Santa Monica after her two months of treatment. It was surreal to be in Hollywood and making a film...errr..wait a second...who isn't making a film in Hollywood ? I thought I had my Hollywood ending.... I can see the finish line.
Relapse.... back a few miles. Let the mind games begin.
I got the feeling that a lot of people thought that the film had peaked with Oprah. I was pretty sure there was more to this than that. Never give up. Keep going.
It was a long summer of 2006 - something like mile 20.
In September of 2006 Tom and I were invited to fly to New York City to meet with Sheila Nevins and John Hoffman at HBO. Not at their HBO offices, which we showed up to, but at Sheila’s Upper east, side condo.
I love New York! Anyway we eat bagels and drink coffee and chat for half an hour. We then watch "Cracked Not Broken" together on a beautiful September morning to discuss possible "changes" that would have to be made in the film. After the last credit ended Sheila said, "I love it exactly how it is, hope you have had a good trip to New York". It's been my experience that this type of thing does not happen that much.
They were planning a major television event around addiction including films by the legends in the industry and they wanted to feature "Cracked Not Broken" with three other "independent" films. This made a little more sense. The only thing was we could not mention it till they had done their release. That was six agonizingly long months ago. But I see it again...it's just around the corner...
Well OK, more than around the corner. Tomorrow evening I will drive to Buffalo New York by myself to be able to catch the broadcast premiere of the film...and the ending to the sequel "Cracked Wide Open".
This will be an interesting St. Patrick's Day.
I am running on empty for sure. How tired am I? I showed up at CBC Radio One for the interview Lisa and I did with Shelagh Rogers on "Sounds Like Canada" this Thursday, 24 hours early. I had no clue what day it was. It was really nice to do the show again. When we did the first interview in November of 2005 it help give the project some credibility.
I have had some of the most amazing help along this course and I will be hoisting a green beer to everyone who helped out along the way. I would be writing all night to get everyone but I would like to thank for help above and beyond comprehension
Nicol - No other chick I know could have gone though this.
Lisa - Ditto
Tom - For getting involved.
Drew- For the design / promotion and RANTS
Carleton- for doing the perfect soundtrack in a weekend.
Kidd Rasta- For his brilliant song "Don't you look at me"
Paulie J- For jumping on board and capturing some great stuff and getting other people involved.
Andrew - For all his professional help and advice.
Angus - For helping us use the web.
The Prometta Centre- For the treatment
AA&E Retreat - For the treatment
Lisa's family - For understanding what I am trying to do.
Johnnie and Cinéma- For being great companions.
I know I will have made some glaring omission but I would like to thank everyone who attended a screening or bought a DVD. Thanks to the printing companies that did the posters that helped promote the screenings All the Schools that had the foresight to use the film as an educational tool and the kids who made Lisa feel real again. All the professional people in the healthcare field who reached out to help. To everyone who wrote in with comments to the website...any feedback was encouraging. I also want to thank the people who said no to the film. It made me stronger.

So what happens after this screening? I don't really know. I do feel that it is time for me to explore other topics. I believe "Cracked Not Broken" finally got to the exact place it was meant to be. I don't know how well it will do in the ratings but I know it is going to "SHOCK" some unsuspecting American's tomorrow evening.

And when will we see "Cracked Wide Open"? I've been wrestling with that for a long time. I just came up with the solution. The film will premiere on the one-year anniversary of Lisa's sobriety.

Run Lisa Run... You can do it.

Mar-14-2007 - Back To CBC

Lisa and I are scheduled to speak with Shelagh Rogers tomorrow morning at 9:00 am. It was 18 months ago when we first spoke with Shelagh about the film just after the second screening at the Regent. What a "roller coaster" ride it has been since then. If you would like to hear the interview, as well as some listener responses, copy the address to the right and it will take you to an old web site that predated this official film site, and therefore if you start from the first entry you see exactly how this film unfolds.
( http://www.paulperrier.com/cinemablography/nov1-2005.asp )
This was a very important interview that started to give the film its first exposure to the masses. It was involvement like this that helped to get this film to where it is today. Three days away from the biggest audience that many films never reach. This film is going to shake a bunch of unsuspecting people's lives this Saturday.

Mar-10-2007 - Broadcast Myself

In exactly 1 week ( 7 days - 168 hours - 10,080 minutes - 604,800 seconds) my film will have it's Broadcast Premiere on HBO at 10:00 PM. It's been a long 18 months since the first screening for family and friends in September of 2005. Somehow the film found it's way to the best station possible to reach the potential audience it could reach from here. To help and try to raise awareness of the screening and create a little viral buzz, I have uploaded to "You Tube" two clips (Key words "Cracked Not Broken' and "Cracked Wide Open") Have a look and pass it along to anyone who may be interested.

Please take a look at the Web site for the "Addiction Series" at(http://www.hbo.com/addiction/index.html) This series is quite a large undertaking and the program set up around it is really impressive. Only in America? Itook a deep breath when I went to the filmmakers bio's page and saw that the two names above mine were D.A. Pennenbaker and Albert Maysles. You would have to know something about documentary filmmaking to comprehend the significance to me of having my work shown alongside these two legends. Not to mention the other renowned talent that they have gathered.

There is a good article by Justin Skinner about the film in the City Centre Mirror this week and online at- (http://insidetoronto.com)

The LA Times and Hollywood Reporter are supposed to be writing something about the film this week also?

How strange ?

Mar-07-2007 - DEFEARS

I received the following email from Tara (a friend that Lisa met while deep into "The Game"). Tara has been clean and sober for the last few years and contacted us through the website to see if she could hold a screening of the film in Labrador. She currently works with the "Aids Committee Of Newfoundland and Labrador" (ACNL) focussing on harm reduction and the development of an effective needle exchange program.

Paul, Lisa and Tom::

Wow, I'm letting out a huge sigh right now. I have just arrived home from presenting "Cracked Not Broken" to a group in the lecture hall of the University. The audience comprised a mix of users, recovering users, health care professionals, social workers, students, teachers and more.
I haven't even taken my coat off, but I felt compelled to write a quick note to the three of you to that you again for making this film. I'm quite overwhelmed at the moment. I'd be lying if i said my mouth wasn't watering now with the desire to use, but I won't give in.

Lisa, we said if we ever straightened our lives out, we would do something to help women. We are doing that. Your words in the film have an incredible impact on many. I will be damned sure that the messages do not fall on deaf ears.

I will get back to you in the next couple of days with some more cognitive feedback from the screening. But for now, be assured that you have done a great thing.

Thanks

Tara

Feb-26-2007 - An Inconvenient Oscar Night

Was anyone else pining for the old Joan River’s Red Carpet interviews last night? Oh my God...How much worse could it get than this years show? Not that I made it through this years show. I switched when Ellen started dancing. Anyway, congratulations to Al Gore and "An Inconvenient Truth" for winning the Academy Award for best documentary. Attached is a photograph I took of Al Gore a few years ago at a Microsoft event called "Can-Win"... The guy who "Can't Win" even when he "Does Win" at "Can-Win"? I thought that was pretty funny.
Anyway, I finally watched the film and although I know the subject matter is an important one, I cannot believe the BUZZ this film generated? I felt like I was sitting in a high school lecture on the last afternoon before summer. All I wanted to do was get out of there…

Feb-22-2007 - A fine Country Day

The Country Day School in King City hosted a screening of "Cracked Not Broken" this afternoon. Driving up to the school it dawned on me that it was exactly 3 years ago tomorrow that the original footage that makes up 90 percent of the film was shot. I could have never realized at that moment how reacting to a friends request would change my life as well as hers.
I remember taking my daughters to see the film "Orient Express" when it was first released. I related to the theme of making a decision to get on or off the train. They say that ignorance is bliss, and in this case it is true because I'm sure, had I known how hard it would be to get this film out to the public, I would have never boarded.
Once on the train - I decided that I would travel as far as I could with it no matter how rough the ride. Along the journey I have met tons of new people who have helped me in my goal.
Although the HBO screening of my film is beyond what I would have expected ... my greater hope is that one day this film will be available for kids in every high school and library in Canada. We have been working hard on trying to figure this out, but so far have come up empty. Back to the old drawing board.
400 kids and faculty squirmed through the screening of the film and participated in a great question and answer period for half an hour afterwards.

Feb-22-2007 - THE FILM THAT "SHOCKED" OPRAH ?

In order to get any attention from the media these you must attach a "Celebrity" to your product. I cringed when I read the headline of the press release that went out announcing the HBO aquisition of my film that said "HBO picks up exclusive rights to Canadian Documentary that "SHOCKED OPRAH". Let me let you in on a little secret. I can guarentee you that Oprah never watched the film that "SHOCKED OPRAH". Furthermore, when you are the "Most Powerful" woman in Hollywood it's going to take a whole lot more than my film to "SHOCK" you !

Feb-20-2007 - HBO-Branksome-The Lot

I am very proud to announce that "Cracked Not Broken" will get its biggest audience ever when HBO screeens the film on March 17th at 10:00 PM. The film is being shown uncut - in it's original version as part of a series that HBO is launching on "Addiction" next month, that includes films made by D.A. Pennenbaker and Albert Maysel. After a year and a half stuggle to get this film to a large audience, I believe that HBO is the right home for it. Hopefully some day Canadian audiences will get to see it also?

We had a screening last friday at Branksome Hall School in Toronto. 450 kids and parents packed the gymnasium for the screening. Lisa attended and spoke afterwards . As proud as I am about HBO, I am convinced more and more after every school screening, that this film must be made available in schools everywhere. Lisa's story is changing kids lives.

Finally I received lots of e-mails from people aware of my filmmaking that I should enter as a contestant in Steven Spielberg's new reality TV show called "The Lot". After some consideration I decided not to. After having been exposed to the reality of "reality TV", I thought that I should continue on the path I have chosen..plus I still have not seen "Star Wars" yet, and I don't think Steve would be too impressed by that.

Feb-14-2007 - Fade to BLACK

What does the passing of my 10 year old Black Lab have to do with this film? Lots. We had to put Johnnie down yesterday as she got quite sick in a short period of time. I believe I owe a lot of my success (?) to my dog. In 1998 - when I was seriously considering quitting photography for the umpteenth time, a photograph I had taken of Johnnie was selected by "American Photo Magazine" for publication in it's annual readers photo
issue in the "humour and imagination" category. That photograph gave me the confidence to keep going.
Johnnie played a big part in my career. She was with me at some of the most important photo shoots I have done since that time. Her image has appeared in the credits of all my films. After we took the girls to the vets to say goodbye to her it started to snow...and as I write this the city is blanketed in white. It is a reminder for me of what a purely nice dog she was. My heart is broken this Valentines day.

I miss you Johnnie

xo

Jan-31-2007 - PP in DC

OK...One year to the day.
It was January 31st, 2006 that I first blogged on this site. It is wild for me to look back on everything that has happened since that time. I am flying back from a documentary conference that took place over the last three days in Washington. I met some great people and got to spend a georgeous afternoon and evening photographing the city. It's funny how when I am surrounded by film people I become more of a photographer and when I am around photographers it is the opposite? Strange... but it works.
Anyway...what a year it has been? There are only 45 more days of shooting untill I have the end to the sequel of this film titled "Cracked Wide Open". When I get to make the film I want, from what I have documented since showing Lisa the film in a hotel room in Toronto, I am confident that it will be one of the definitive films ever made about drug addiction. A true life "Trainspotting".
After that... film rehab.

Jan-23-2007 - APPLEBY 01/23/07

"Cracked Not Broken" screened at Appleby School in Oakville this evening for around 135 students. It was the first educational screening since the Holy Trinity School screening last April. I attended the screening alone as Tom Powers father, who attended the first screening of Cracked, passed away on the weekend, so he had more pressing matters to deal with.
Lisa was scheduled to attend the screening and participate in a question and answer period afterwards with the students. My cell phone rang at the point in the film where Lisa is explaining to the camera that the only way she could quit was "complete surrender. Never see the people she hangs out with again". It was Lisa. She and her friend had been pulled over by the cops on the Gardiner Expressway and she was really high. She wanted to know what I thought she should do?

I felt like saying... "Stop doing drugs, stop lying, stop stealing, stop killing yourself, stop killing your family, stop killing your friends, stop the chaos, stop the insanity, stop in the name of love...etc".

I actually said..."Deal with your situation and I will deal with this one"

So I "represented" on my own this evening. I really enjoy being able to screen my work to teenagers as part of their school curriculum. It gives me so much satisfaction and makes all that we have gone through worth something.
It has been almost exactly a year ago at the Bishop Straachn School (her alma mater) that Lisa last attended a screening of the film. Her story continues to educate /shock/inspire and scare all sorts of people. She needs to watch it again.

Surrender Lisa.

Jan-20-2007 - m-I-pod

I just figured out how to upload my films, films in progress, and never finished films, to the video I-POD I got for Christmas. I watched "Cracked Not Broken" again (for the 800th time). First of all...what an amazing little machine this is. Not only can I have all my films loaded, I can also have my entire photo portfolio available in my pocket, which you can watch while listening to music. I had my doubts about being able to enjoy a film on a screen this size...but I find it absolutely brilliant! Hopefully we can make this film available for download soon. I have watched it in theatres on huge screens, at film festivals, in bars, at schools and now on a screen 2.5 inches small. Every time I see the film I capture something that I never saw before
If anyone is interested I am screening my first film "Marymount Again..." as a fundraiser for my daughters
School- Deer Park on Thursday February 22nd at 7:00 PM, in the school gym. Tickets are $10.00 (popcorn included) and all proceeds will go towards art related programs. Deer Park school is also the school that Lisa and Nicol attended as kids. A school photograph of them together in grade one, is featured in "Cracked Not Broken".
You can email me and I will send out the ticket info.

Jan-14-2007 - CAPITAL REVIEW

There is a review of "Cracked Not Broken" by Anya Wassenberg at the Capital Magazine website... http://www.capitalmag.com/cracked-not-broken-anya-wassenberg
This was from the screening in November at the "Rendez Vous With Madness Film Festival". A couple of things about the article. It says that "Cracked Not Broken" has been broadcast in the US. It has not...Yet... It Has Been Ordered.
Also, I saw Lisa today. She has a nice appartment and is working hard at her sobriety. She will be attending the school screenings we have coming up this month and in February. She has also felt the urge to blog recently, which I think is a good sign.
This will be an interesting year.

Jan-01-2007 - And so this is New Year-and what have we done?

It's 12:01 AM on New Years Day... I am sitting writing this on a beach in Siesta Key Florida pounding back a "BUD LITE". The perfect end to a crazy year. The girls are all asleep, as is Johnnie lying by my feet. I am not alone though. 100 feet in front of me men in bulldozers have been pushing tons of sand pumped through a pipe from a rig anchored 400 feet off shore. Since we arrived after our 21-hour drive from Toronto on Boxing Day a crew has been working 24/7 to add 300 feet of beachfront along Turtle Beach. Incredible.
I re-read all the blogs from when we started this website. It seems like a movie.
There have been highs and lows and HIGHS and LOWS. In some particular order here are my favorite moments that I have experienced since this site started.
-The most "emotional" screening of the film - January 31'st 10:00 AM at Bishop Straachn School. A packed gymnasium of students at Lisa and Nicol's old high school. They both answered questions from the girls for an hour after the screening. Incredible.
Immediately after that screening I drove my parents car to Sarasota with my 7-year-old daughter Dylan. This is my 2nd road trip down I-75 this year. It's funny how most people cringe when they hear you say you drove to Florida? I love it. On the first trip we listened to Hillary Duff the whole way. This time it was Gwen Stefani. I am sooo over Hillary!
-The best "too bad I'm going to screen my film any way" screening of the film was at the Regent Theatre on April 29th at 2:00 PM after getting booted from "Hot Docs". Incredible?
I taught the girls to skim board today by the waters edge. After a few falls they were riding the fiberglass board into the waves.
-Surreal moment #1 for me. Having the limited edition-signed and numbered "Cracked Not Broken" DVD's arrive in the mail. Incredible.
We had a pretty cool New Years night. We went to Siesta Beach at sunset to listen to a group that gets together to play the African Drums as the sunsets. It turned into a big dance party and the girls had a blast. We had a bite to eat and then came back to the house.
-Surreal moment #2 for me. Sitting in the audience at the Oprah Winfrey Show as the producer who warms up the audience announces the theme of the show, "Prostitution". I sensed alot of the ladies were hoping for one of O's give away shows.
-Surreal moment #3 for me. Watching the Oprah Winfrey Show with Paul Johnson four days later. What a bizarre show that was, in so many ways. What a bizarre experience. Incredible.
I've cracked another BUD LITE.
-Best Film Festival screening of Cracked Not Broken. Mothers Day-May 14th at Doc Fest in San Francisco. After being rejected by Amsterdam/Sundance/South by Southwest/Tribecca, it was a "Standing Room Only" screening of the film followed by a great Q and A with the audience for 45 minutes until we were asked to leave. Incredible.
More sand is being pushed in a gusher like fashion from the pipe, adding to the coastline. It is time for a pee break.
-Most disappointing screening of the film was on June 3rd at the Bloor Cinema. The smallest audience to see the film. I thought it would be a good screening?
Johnnie just got up and had a pee?
-Surreal moment #4 for me. Being back in California after 21 years and working on my own film using Hollywood as a backdrop. We had a great three days at the end of Lisa's treatment filming doctors and friends and strangers who Lisa interacted with during her stay. Incredible.
It's 1:11 AM. Where is this year going?
-2nd best Festival screening of Cracked Not Broken. "In the Minds Eye Film Festival" on September 20th. My film opened this cool little Festival in Waterloo Ontario.
I am awed by these construction workers changing the world, right in front of me on New Years morning. I feel so small... and then I go get another BUD LITE.
-Coolest screening of Cracked Not Broken. September 30th at the Camera Bar on Queen Street West continuously from 7:00 pm till 7:00 AM as part of the "Nuit Blanche" Art Thing in Toronto. I sat at the bar and chatted with people who happened to drop by and watch the film in the back room. A couple introduced themselves to me. They owned an Art Gallery on the East side of Queen and they had a piece of jewelry with the words "Cracked Not Broken" etched into it. I tried to stay until 7:00 am but called it a night at around 3:00 AM. Incredible event.
I grab my camera and take some photos of the beach/construction site.
-Surreal moment #5 for me. A private screening for two people in New York City on October 3rd. Can't say anymore than that...yet.
The construction workers take a pee break. I put my camera away.
-2 screenings I wish I could have witnessed. #1 at the Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre in Malaysia on October 8th, and #2 at the Dominican International Film Festival In Puerto Plata at an all inclusive resort getaway. They screened my film at 10:00 AM.
-3rd best Festival screening of Cracked Not Broken. "Rendez Vous With Madness" November 12th at the Mental Health Centre on Queen Street West. I had hoped that it would have been in last years program, but better late than never.
These BUD LITES must be going to my head. This couldn't have possibly happened in the last twelve months. If I hadn't documented it all, I would never believe it. It should make an incredible film.
Thanks to everyone who supported the project.

Life is a beach.

Dec-25-2006 - x-mas

Whar a year...I mean what a year.

Dec-11-2006 - Addiction

The word addiction is also sometimes used colloquially to refer to something for which a person has a passion.
My name is Paul and I'm an addict. It started with some experimenting in 1999 and since then filmmaking has taken over my life. Ironically my addiction has focused on drug addicts. The high I get from presenting my work to the public is probably equal to some highs that my subjects have attained. I have always wondered why the people I have documented can't just "kick" their habits and move on. I am a bit more sympathetic from where I sit today. I know alot of people who think I should have quit doing what I am doing a while ago. Yet despite the strain this has put on my relationship with my wife and kids and career and family and friends, I always find away to get my fix. Filmmaking like drug addiction, is very self indulgent. And maybe that is why my film makes so many people uncomfortable. How uncomforatable? I have friends who won't come and see my film... Three people have told me they were physicaly ill after watching my film... At every screening so far some people have left the theatre or passed out during the screening of my film.
Hard core uncomfortable.
And that has always been the point. I didn't want to make an easy film. I wanted to try and make an important film.
A film that would raise as many questions as it answered. A film that would change peoples lives. I made that film and then like a true addict I made a film about that film. Are you with me? Chaos.
What a year 2006 has been. I did things I only ever dreamed of. Went places I've never been and met many new people who have helped me along the way. Not sure I could survive another year like that so maybe it is time to change things up?

Nov-30-2006 - A Passage...

CODA: (noun) - which brings movement or piece to a conclusion through prolongation.

Nov-07-2006 - Cracked Non Casser

J'ai fait mon premier interview en Français ce soir avec Annie-Claire Fournier pour le "Téléjournal" sur le CBC. Ça fait longtemps que j'ai parlé dans ma deuxieme langue, et je pense que c'était evident. J'ai meme pas eux la chance d'utiliser mes verbes au "plus que parfait"! ... Malgré, peut t'etre la prochaine fois? J'espere que tous ceux qui a vue la programme, se rendra aux film cette dimanche a une heur et trente.

Merci !

Oct-18-2006 - Crujido No Roto

"Cracked Not Broken" continues it's travels around the world with a screening as part of the Dominican International Film Festival on Cofresi Beach in Puerto Plata on November 7th at 10:00 A.M.
...that's right 10:00 AM.
Oh, how I wish I could be there for this screening !
It will be Poco Loco !!!

Pablo

Oct-11-2006 - Guest BLOG from Drew Harris In Kuala Lumpur

The following Blog is from Drew Harris (www.drewharris.com). Drew has worked on so many areas in this production. The most important one being my Stunt Double...

Hey Paul and gang:

"Cracked"has come and gone in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia! 2 screenings...great
media coverage, including a full page in the National Newspaper (The New
Straits Times), Kakiseni.com, Klue Magazine, KLPac colour newsletter, FM
radio etc.
The response and Q+A after the screening was overwhelming. Danced a little with some of
the reallyimportant questions.We have been encouraged to take it to the educational system here,
many felt it would change Malaysia.

Also, had addiction counselors and front line workers attend last night and
today, as well as the documentary film prof from one of the universities.
The press/feedback was really great.

One of the discussion points after the screening and during the Q+A was the
fact Malaysia sweeps drugs under the carpet, addiction is considered a
mental health issue.
"Cracked Not Broken"may help dispel this myth. They believe it, and they live here.

All in all folks, Cracked has just began the dialogue in Malaysia and let's
hope it spreads rapidly.

Sher, my friend and woman who set all of this up and sms'd everyone she
knew should be commended. She even stood at the door to collect all the
tickets, both screenings.... Really appreciated.

Best
Drew

Oct-04-2006 - Rendezvous with Madness

“Cracked not Broken” was just selected to be part of the “Rendezvous with Madness” Film Festival next month here in Toronto…unless it suffers the same fate that happened with Hot Docs…. But that would be real madness! The screening date is not confirmed yet. Please check on the screening page in the weeks ahead.

Oct-03-2006 - Thats alot of Crack !

It has been over three months since the last screening of "Cracked Not Broken" at the Bloor Cinema. In the past seven days I have attended 10 screenings of my film. It started with a screening for two people in New York City. It got glowing reviews. Two days later I was at the opening of "In The Minds Eye Film Festival" in Waterloo where 686 people sat in during three screenings. Three days after that the film played from 7:00 PM till 7:00 AM at The Camera Bar as part of the "Nuit Blanche Art Thing". Two people and the staff of the bar watched the 7:00 PM screening and it grew and grew from there. I have always considered my film art so the way it was presented in this context was perfect with the setting and location of the bar/cinema. What a cool night it was to be out in the city. It reminded me of the night of the blackout-which was probably the last time there was spontaneous art in the city. I lasted until 3:00 AM. I figure about 300 people sat through the film throughout the night. The best response from a woman who walked out half way through it was... "I have never felt physically ill during a film in my entire life...Congratulations on your work".
Close to 1,000 people watched the film this week, which is pretty wild.
Next week the film screens in Kuala Lumpur...How crazy is that?

Sep-30-2006 - CRACKATHON

As part of the "Nuit Blanche" all night contemporary art thing going on this Saturday "Cracked Not Broken" will be screened non stop starting at 7:00 PM and ending at 7:00 AM at "The Camera Bar" on Queen Street West. This marks the second "Bar" screening of the film. The first one was just down the Street at the Drake Hotel Underground last November...(It was this screening that got the film booted from Hot Docs?)
I will be at the bar. Feel free to buy me a beer !

Sep-28-2006 - My Waterloo

"Cracked Not Broken" was screened yesterday as the opening film of "In The Minds Eye Film Festival" in Waterloo.

Thanks to Michael Parkinson for putting on a great event, and also to everyone who showed up and the great discussion afterwards. Here is what he wrote to me this morning...

"A total of 686 people saw "Cracked Not Broken" today. While this is an excellent turnout, the number of people with "lived experience" who spoke privately with me after the screenings has made the effort worthwhile !"

Sep-13-2006 - One year later

September 12th, 2006

A year ago this evening we screened “a version” of “Cracked Not Broken” at the Regent Theatre on Mt. Pleasant. After the screening to about 125 friends and neighbours and strangers, I quickly realized that not only Lisa’s life was about to change dramatically. What has transpired in the last year is beyond words. Luckily I documented it. I have worked with and met a ton of great people through this project. I think a lot of people thought that the story peaked when we did "Oprah" last may. I don’t think that was even close. I remember saying at one of the screenings of the "Cracked"… "Ever since I picked up our family Super 8mm camera, as a twelve year old, I’ve always wanted to be a filmmaker. Only now am I beginning to understand the old saying … Be careful what you wish for.

To everyone who got involved in anyway...Thanks.

What a fucking trip.

Sep-08-2006 - Cracked in Kuala Lampur

"Cracked Not Broken" will screen next month on October 7th and 8th at the "Kuala Laumpur Performing Arts Centre" (Sentul Park, Jalan Strachan, 51100 Kuala Lumpur). Admission(By Donation) at the door is only RM 10 for adults and RM 7 for students. I'm not even sure how much that is, but it sounds like a bargain to me !!! This will be the first time Cracked has screened without me in attendance, which is a shame as I would have loved to see the reaction to this type of film from such a different culture of people. Thanks to Drew Harris for setting up the screening and his continued support on my film projects.

Aug-31-2006 - Stonhenge

I went to visit Lisa last week at Stonehenge(www.stonehengetc.com) in Guelph Ontario. She is allowed one visitor a week for a couple of hours. It should be noted to anyone who is following Lisa's story that she put herself here. It seems to be a great place for her to continue with her battle towards sobriety. One interesting thing that came out f the meeting is that the people at Stonhenge who work on Lisa's case believe that Lisa should continue to use the film as a tool for her recovery. How progressive...To try something new and different ? We are hoping that Lisa will be available to attend the screening of "Cracked Not Broken" as part of the 'Minds Eye Film Festival' in Waterloo on September 27th at 1:00pm and 7:00pm (Locations to be determined). There are lots of other interesting opportunities brewing that we will continue to up date as they are confirmed.
Hope everyone had a great summer.

Aug-03-2006 - H2O(prah)

The Oprah Show that we taped in May is being repeated this Friday August 4th. It's an interesting piece if you missed it the first time. ( www.oprah.com )

Jul-31-2006 - Dog days of summer

I found an interesting article on line recently about the film that I couldn't have written better myself, except for that thing about the ugly title! You can read it at http://www.filmcan.org/blog/ . Also www.worldscreen.com/newscurrent.php?filename=zone72406.htm. I will be updating some recent events and news in the next little while. Hope everyone is having a good summer.

Jun-26-2006 - Turning Point

In Lisa's blog today she writes about feeling confused about her decision to back away from the film and concentrate on recovery for however long it takes. This is a good decision on her part and one she would not have made a year ago. The film will continue to educate people and will be here for her when the time is right.
I feel that is is also time for me to step away from the film also. With most of the footage of the follow up documentary that I have shot of Lisa's journey from the release of the film, to her return back to Toronto from rehab in California in the can...it is time to move on.
Since September of 2001, I have been documenting "the addicts lifestyle" by chance. Like drugs, the involvement in these projects has sucked me into some very dark places. Caught up in chaos. Experiencing the same highs and lows from my addiction, which is filmmaking. I've changed alot over this period. Some good, some bad. It is time for me to start to put an end to this also.
I won't walk away from what I have started however. Here is the plan. From now untill September I hope to digitize the footage from the past 9 months and 11 screenings, and edit it into what I hope will be the best film ever made about drug addiction, called "Crackenheit 9/11" ready for a screening on Sunday September 11th at The Regent Theatre. After that I have two projects that are a bit lighter that I would like to immerse myself in for a while ("Shades of Pink" & "Looking For Rasta"). I will continue to update the blog with any news about the film.
*On that note "Cracked Not Broken" will be screening at The Camera Bar on Queens Street West on September 30th from sundown till sunrise, as part of the Nuit Blanche Art Exhibit throughout the City of Toronto.
Check out my "Lost in Vegas" portfolio that I have put on my photography web site @ www.paulperrier.com
I will be putting up new portfolios soon.

Jun-16-2006 - Pauliewood

Wow.
What a whirlwind.
All of a sudden, or so it feels, I was in Hollywood California.

I left Toronto on the 11th, drove to Buffalo and flew out of there, via Chicago to LA.

I was there to capture Lisa - clean and sober.
For good.
For real.
For ever (one day at a time).

For three days I interviewed people who have helped Lisa on her path to sobriety. All of them interesting. All of them in the same boat. All of them willing to help. How refreshing.

Lisa has changed a lot since I last saw her in Chicago. Her time here has helped her in many ways.

The last time I was in LA was 1985. It was great to be back. I did have a little time to sight see and catch up with some old friends. Had a night out in a Hollywood club on the strip, listening to a harp player (not hammonica but harp) followed by a mime? You just don't see that here a lot.
Oh and guess what...for a couple of miles I drove along "Route 66".
Sometimes you do get what you pray for !

Lisa and I flew home yesterday on the same flight. She is back home prepared to practice what was preached to her for the last 60 days. She knows what she has to do to remain sober. This willl be the toughest part of the journey for her and she needs all the help and encouragement she can get, for a true "Hollywood" ending to this story.

I will be posting some photos soon from the trip in the Gallery section.

Thanks to Paul Roberts for all his help on the West Coast.

Jun-06-2006 - 6:06 PM...An Omen?

My cell phone number starts with 666...everyone always says "I can't believe that you have 666 as your phone number, do you know what that means?"
"Easy to remember!" I usually say.
In '66 I was 6 years old!
There are 6's everywhere...With only a few hours left in the day I am becoming more confident the world will not end today. Thank God...I can use the time.
I still haven't driven Route 66.
I really want to.
It would be so cool.

Thanks to the 66 people who came out in the rain to watched "Cracked Not Broken" at the Bloor Cinema this past saturday night. I was hoping for more people but am always amazed when anyone shows up to see my work. It is a such a great place to watch a movie.

I thought the pairing of "Cracked Not Broken" after "Friends with Money" was kind of ironic.

I was surprised to see the film Rated "18" or maybe it was Rated "6+6+6" ?

An Omen?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Try this trick with # 6.

1- While sitting at your desk lift your right leg and make clockwise circles
2-Now while doing this draw the number 6 with your right hand.
3- Your foot will change directions... Tadaaaaa !!!

courtesy of the great "Baldini". Pretty cool.

Jun-01-2006 - 4 your eyes only

Saturday's screening and Q and A afterwards marks the 11th official screening of "Cracked Not Broken".
The 11 screenings are:

1-   The Regent Theatre on Mt. Pleasant - September 12th, 2005.
2-   The Regent Theatre on Mt. Pleasant - October14th, 2005.
3-   The Drake Hotel on Queen Street West - November 14th, 2005.
4-   St.Clements School-screening for parents - December 1st, 2005.
5-   St.Clements School-screening for students - January 12th, 2006.
6-   Bishop Strachn School-screening for parents - January 30th, 2006.
7- Bishop Strachn School-screening for students - January 31st, 2006.
8-   Holy Trinity School-screening for students - April 11th, 2006.
9-   The Regent Theatre on Mt. Pleasant - April 29th, 2006.
10- San Francisco DocFest in the Womens Theatre - Mothers Day, 2006.
11- The Bloor Cinema on Bloor Street West- June 3rd, 2006.

In 9 months "Cracked Not Broken" has screened 11 times. Or "Crackenheit 9/11".
I never knew just how far things would go from the first screening at the Regent, but I was sure that this period would be a wild document further inside the mind of a hard core drug addict. So document I did. The last line in "Cracked" is to be continued... The screening at the Bloor will complete the filming of the follow up segment to this, which when it gets completed I plan to call-
"Cracked Not Broken 2...From Release to Rehab...A Journey of Hope and Filmmaking"
or simply... "CNB2FRTRAJOHAF".
If someone ever wrote a screenplay about what actually takes place during those nine months it would never be taken seriously. The concept was to see if a film could lead Lisa to a chance at sobriety. The screenings created the awareness that in a nine month period ended miraculously with Lisa in a rehab centre in California and talking sex and drugs with Oprah Winfrey. The filler is insanity. So thanks to everyone who made the effort and helped in this process. You are part of the journey...which of course is
to be continued...

May-29-2006 - SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE !!!

LIVE FROM TORONTO THAT IS !

Huge response from people who are planning on attending the screening at the Bloor Cinema this Saturday Night at 9:00 PM. The price for admission is only $7.00 for adults and $5.00 for students and Bloor Cinema members. The number of independant theatres in this city is dwindling faster than the ice in the Artic Sea ! So by attending you will be helping an independant filmmaker and a great independant theatre.
Won't that make you feel good ? I knew that it would.

May-24-2006 - Happy Birthday to Bob & DYLAN

Bob Dylan turned 65 today. I picked up a book called "Bob Dylan-The Essential Interviews" while downtown...
The following is from a Playboy interview in March of 1978:

Playboy: Do you think you have managed to resist having to grow up or have you found a way of doing it that is different from conventional growing up?

Dylan: I don't think in terms of growing up or not growing up. I think in terms of being able to fulfill yourself.
Don't forget, you see, I've been doing what I've been doing since I was very small, so I have never known anything else. This is all that I have done my entire life. So I don't think in terms of economics or status or what people think of me one way or the other.

My daughter Dylan turns 8 on the 29th.
Happy birthday sweetheart.
Fulfill yourself!

May-23-2006 - Punked Like Me !

Just found out that "Punk Like Me" won the "Audience Award" at DocFest in San Francisco. Congrats to the film and filmmaker, I enjoyed your work. I don't want to turn this into a Florida Election Re-Count or anything but I find it strange that the"Punk" screening I attended on the Saturday night at 9:00 PM with the filmmaker and family and friends in attendance was about 1/4 full. "Cracked" which screened at 5:00 P.M. on "Mothers Day " was compleatly sold out, in fact I had to sit on a stool. Oh well, time to move ...onward and upward !

La Cucararacha!

May-20-2006 - Getting Bloory

After the Standing Room Only crowd at DocFest in SanFrancisco last week, we will be holding the next screening in Toronto at the great BIG (700 seats) Bloor Cinema on Saturday June 3rd at 9:00 PM. I'm thinking of screening my other Festival Film short (9 minutes) called "Maybe The Big Rabbit Did It" http://www.paulperrier.com/film_arse.asp which has only ever screened once at the 2004 New York Independent Film Festival at The Village East Cinema... In N.Y.CITY ! Trying to attract a larger college crowd for this.
Gotta run... it's Ni's Birthday.

May-16-2006 - San Fran Doc Fest

Despite a tough scheduling spot- (5:00 PM on Mothers Day! ) and beautiful weather (Sunny and 85 degrees) it was a “Standing Room Only” house at The Women’s Theatre for the first Film Festival screening of “Cracked Not Broken”. I arrived in San Francisco with 24 hours to promote and fill the theatre. It worked. Lisa was scheduled to attend, but it was decided that from here on in it is in her best interest to concentrate on her recovery full time. No more media.The question and answer period after the screening had to be cut off in order for the next film to screen.
Had the chance to catch two good documentaries that were screening while I was there…“Unauthorized and Proud of it” about the controversial Rock N’ Roll comic book publisher Todd Loren, and “Punk Like Me” a cool little film about a 37 year old husband and father, who fulfills his childhood dreams of becoming a rock star by scamming his way onto the Warped Tour with a Punk Rock mariachi band. Both films reminded me of works that I have in progress.
Got to meet a lot of great people, great filmmakers and see a new city. What more could you ask for?
There is always more…

May-09-2006 - Ha !

I received lots of e mails from friends from all over who happened to catch the Oprah Show yesterday. This was my favorite...

Paul,

You guys did a great job! I was very excited for you. Had the whole office tuned in.

I think I picked a bad month to be a C.F.O. with a "foot fetish"?

I won’t hear the end of that when I get home to the wife.

All the best.

Chris Reynolds

PS- we have been receiving tons of response from the appearance on the Oprah show (they are posted under "About The Film". Also, the first DVD's are arriving in the mail this week. They look wicked. I just got mine. Please send me an e mail when you receive yours and let me know the number on the back side. Oprah, I left you a signed DVD with one of the producers. Let me know what you think when you see it...and of course your number on the back side!

May-08-2006 - My Post OP

Way to go Lisa. What you did today, should be an inspiration for everyone. Although it wasn't everything I hoped it could have been, I am happy with the results for everyone involved. I know by emails sent to Lisa after her appearance on Oprah today gave one woman somewhere a reason to "hold on"... as James Frey would say. Sorry Oprah !
OK, so today ranks pretty high on the "surreal" meter. Watching the show open with scenes from the film was crazy. I thought they did a good job of editing it. I was surprised they ran some of the needle scenes. The video ends and Lisa and Oprah sit and have a retarded conversation about mostly about sex on the couch. I thought Oprah comes off looking crazy and Lisa seemed cool and intelligent. Watch it twice. All in all I think the audience saw a brave woman who is trying her best to get out of a terrible situation. Unbelievable.
On a personal note: a lot of people who know me e-mailed or called and said they thought I looked angy...

It's not anger. It's passion...for fucks sake.

I'm tired.

Answers to FAQ'S:

1- Did you meet Oprah? No. No welcome, nor thank you.

2-What do you get for being on the show: An Oprah ball cap. An Oprah T-shirt and an Oprah Coffee mug that says "Thanks" Oprah @. When I unpacked my suit case the cup was cracked...not broken. I'm serious.

3- Were you allowed to take pictures or video?: No. They frisk you before entering the building for cameras and recorders. Even for documentary filmmakers - making a documentary. I snuck my camera in anyway and shot some footage back stage.

May-07-2006 - MY PRE OP

Tomorrow the show airs. I’m curious to see it. What a trip…

05/04/06 -

2:30 pm: After scrambling to pull everything together, Nicol and I fly American Airlines to Chicago O'Hare. Arrive an hour and twenty minutes later and meet up with Drew Harris and Paul Johnson.

4:00 pm: The four of us jump into the black stretch Limo (see photos in gallery) waiting courtesy of Harpo Productions and driven to The Omni Hotel- where guests of the “Oprah Show” stay in the heart of beautiful downtown Chicago. I include this not to make it sound like this happens all the time…or ever. I usually have to ride my bike to things, and sleep on the couch when I get home late. The whole scene is surreal to say the least.

5:00 PM: Arrive and meet Lisa in her hotel room with her chaperone Ana. She looks healthy and in great spirits. Nicol and Lisa had to look at the stores. Drew, Paul and I went for a beer on a patio at an Irish Pub and met Tom and his windy city hairdo.

8:00 PM: Lisa, Nicol, Myself, Tom, Drew, Paul, Ana, Larry Burns and Dan Cronin (part of Lisa’s recovery team) had a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant using the food coupons supplied by Harpo Productions. We were able to use our lunch vouchers for our dinner meal, which was good.

10:00 PM: Everyone goes to his or her rooms to relax and sleep. Paul Johnson and I walk around the city for a while trying to find a good bar. The city seems very quiet. After walking for half an hour we ended up in a basement bar that I think was the used in the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire”. Got back to our room by 12:30 AM and crashed.

05/05/06-

9:00 AM. Everyone meets for breakfast in the hotel restaurant and we are joined by Rob “the Pen Guy”
Lieberman.

10:00 AM: I interview Lisa on her bed at The Omni almost nine months to the day that I had shown her a version of the film that we were going to screen the following month at The Regent. How did we end up here?

10:30 AM: Walk around for an hour and take some photographs. It’s a beautiful day… as Bono would say.

11:30 AM: Lisa, Nicol, Tom, Drew, and Paulie J. and I piled into “The Stretch” (this I could get used to!) and driven to Harpo Studios.

NOON: Arrive at Harpo Studios. I walk around the block to take some photographs of the crowd lined up waiting to get in. In the line I run into an old friend from Montreal who had heard about the taping. Before entering the studio I am frisked and asked to check all my cameras before going into the green room.

12:30 PM: After "un petit"make up session. I stroll through the halls looking at the photo-covered walls of Oprah with some very famous people. Lisa and Nicol seem remarkably calm especially considering Nicols biggest fear is public speaking, and I can only imagine what must be running through Lisa’s mind.

12:45 PM: Nicol and I get microphones attached to us. On a monitor I see the Oprah Stage and there are pictures of Lisa and a scene cued up from my film and an empty white couch. Here we go…

1:00 PM: From stage right, Nicol and I are led to our seats in front of the couch. There is a woman warming up the audience. She tells them that the theme of today’s show is prostitution. I can see from a few of the ladies reactions that they were kind of hoping for one of Oprah’s BIG GIVE AWAY shows. “It’s an important show” she reminds us "You may learn something".

1:11 PM: Oprah walks down the runway from the right side and is greeted with a standing ovation. She sits on the couch and talks to the audience. Everyone loves her shoes!
After a couple of minutes she stands in front of the camera and introduces the show. Footage from the film runs in this sequence as Lisa is led to the couch beside Oprah and they both watch the piece…showtime.

Tomorrow… My Post OP

May-05-2006 - O Chicago!

The Oprah Winfrey Show: Chicago-Thursday May 4th. 2006. 1:00 PM

When the "Oprah Winfrey Show" (www.oprah.com) that we taped yesterday in Chicago airs on Monday it will be exactly 9 months to the day (and hour) that I showed Lisa a version of this film as she was banging crack into her disappearing veins in a condominium on Yonge Street. You will see some of that “black and white” footage that runs at the opening of the show, moments before Oprah and Lisa sit on a couch and chat about prostitution and drugs!
Pretty fucking crazy, eh? (Sorry about the F word again Mom.)
Nicol and I sat in the front row (microphoned). Spread out in the audience sat Tom Powers (the Executive Producer). Drew Harris (who has done everything possible to get this film where it has gone) and Paul Johnson (who grabbed a camera at the first screening at the Regent Theatre and has been at every screening since - very cool) Also there were Anastasia Kirkeby, Larry Burns and Dan Cronin. Three of the professionals who are helping Lisa on her road to recovery. A couple of people who should have, but could not have attended are Andrew Galloway (Lisa’s addiction therapist) and Lynne Sims-Taylor (who helped a ton to get the story to the show), and Angus Robbie (who did the web site). All there -if only in spirit- for the right reasons. I’m not going to say anything else about the Show. Watch for yourself !
My only regret that I will share here was that in one room yesterday sat Oprah Winfrey, Lisa Ling and our Lisa, and I never got the chance to do a formal introduction...
“Oprah-Lisa…Lisa-Oprah…Lisa-Lisa…Lisa-Lisa….Lisa Oprah…Oprah-Lisa”.
It would have made Letterman proud.

On Monday: My “POST OPRAHEM”

May-01-2006 - Back to The Regent !

OK, so the weather did not co operate (sunny and warm), but that didn't stop 250 people from attending the last screening of the film back at The Regent Theatre this past Saturday at 2:00 PM. Thanks again to the staff at this great theatre for their continued support of the project. I guess all the postering (everywhere), radio interview (Metro Morning with Andy Barrie on CBC-1) and the newspaper article (by Jim Slotek in Saturdays Sun- posted in "reviews" under "about the film") paid off. Again the screening had a completely different feel than others so far. First of all there was good news to report in the fact that Lisa was not present because Andrew Galloway had enlisted the involvement of two Addiction Centres in California (see "Lisa's Treatment" on the site). In the audience were kids from the age of 12 to adults in their 80's. There were people who have attended many screenings as well as lot's of first timers including Lisa’s step brother Zach and some neighbours that grew up in the house beside her during her teenage years. Nicol stepped up to the mic during the QandA despite her aversion to public speaking and tried to respond to questions on Lisa's behalf. As the theatre was emptying Zach approached me and said that despite years of anger towards Lisa and some anger towards the film, he felt that some healing had taken place for him by sitting through it. This was great news because I feel that if Lisa is going to have any chance at sobriety, the most important thing she will need is the love and understanding from all her family to accomplish this. Despite the havoc that she has caused in their lives because of her addiction, healing has to take place. I put this offer out to them... Anytime they are ready, I will arrange a private screening for her Mom and brothers the way the film should be seen, at the Regent. No cameras, no audience- only the immediate family. As painful as this would be, I believe that it will relieve some of the anger that they all understandably feel.
Afterwards a group of people went for a beer at the Longest Yard next door to enjoy the rest of the day. I received the following to emails immediately after the screening...
Thanks again to everyone who took some of their time for this.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Paul and Nicol,

Wow! What a powerful, heart wrenching and touching film. Actually, it felt
more like an 'experience' than a film.

I think you did an outstanding job in capturing so many dynamics – the obvious being Lisa's challenge and the hard to watch 'shooting up' scenes.

Yet, there were the not so in your face but just as powerful scenes that brought tears to my eyes - when Nicol was talking from her heart about her friend, the Mother who felt she was losing her daughter, the daughter who, by her own tears, showed that she felt her mother's pain and love.

I really hope that Lisa makes it through this in order to help others. For every Lisa there are so many others out there that do not have the help or do not admit they need it.

Perhaps we will look back and think this was somewhat of a serendipitous
situation with you being able to bring this story to others, helping Lisa and at the same time helping the youth of today.

I wish you all the best!

Amanda
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul,

Wow....that is a powerful story and you have done a
wonderful job in capturing the raw- yet very real-
emotion of it all. I am deeply touched. Very well
done.

It must be excruciatingly difficult to see someone so
dear to your heart struggle with such a terrible
illness but if your efforts prove remotely cathartic
for Lisa, it must make the pain of your journey
somewhat more bearable.

I really "enjoyed" the ride. Please keep me on your
bulk e-mail list as I would love to see any additions
to the story.

Go Lisa go.....good luck girl!!

All the best.

John

Apr-29-2006 - REALITY CHECK

I attended Hot Docs opening night gala for the Film Festival that "Cracked Not Broken" was rejected from.
Holy F**K! First of all...Thanks for the rejection! I did not see one film promoted the entire evening. Yet there was a huge Vodka ice sculpture to stare at in one corner, a really big bouquet of flowers in the middle of the hall, and a guy with a great eye patch all over the place! No local bands. No Art. No anything. No Nothing.
Other than the Open Bar which was a hit...till they ran out of beer - which caused me to run out of the gala... I had a film to promote! If I gave you one of the new "Cracked Not Broken" pens, you better come see a great documentary at The Regent Theatre on Mount Pleasant at 2:00 PM- Sharp!

It's important...

Apr-24-2006 - Have Staple Gun Will Travel...Marketing 201

Last Friday I spent my whole day plastering the city with the great posters that Stan "Pappy" Morantz of Andora Graphics had contributed to help promote the screening of the film this Saturday at the Regent Theatre on Mt.Pleasant. The theatre holds 500 people, and I expect to sell it out. You can reserve your seat on this site under screenings. I started off by covering the area around our house so that I have good representation from the neighbours. Then I put some up at the kid's school so that fellow parents are also represented. Covered the area around the Regent Theatre so that people who support the theatre are aware of the screening. In the evening I was joined by Drew Harris who has helped out in every stage of this production with his time, talent and encouragement. We surrounded BSS School with posters and it looked pretty cool. As I was postering I couldn't help notice that the image on the posters that "Hot Docs" are using to promote their festival, looks very much like the image I have been using (see inset photo) to promote my photography for the past couple of years...I wonder where they came up with that? On our way to Queen Street we dropped by the Kensington Market and ran into a couple who had heard Lisa and I when we were on CBC's "Sounds Like Canada' last September. Did Queen Street for a bit and ended at the place where the film was shot . On the front steps of the motel sat a girl inhaling her cigarette who looked eerily like Lisa the "crack prostitute" I interviewed two years ago.

Life gets stranger every moment.

Apr-11-2006 - MARKETING 101

Dear family, friends, colleagues and anyone else who happened to end up on my email list. I have tried to write down for a long time why I believe this is an important film for everybody to see and now own. But I am too close to be able to do that, so I asked my friend Drew Harris (painter and soon to be writer) to help me with one of the greatest marketing tools around. The old "Testimonial". It took him five minutes to write this. I like it. At the bottom is my receipt from the very first 11 (my lucky number) DVD's I ordered of my film for myself last night as soon as we got things set up. Did I mention that they are Limited/Numbered and Signed 1st Edition DVD's? Only 989 left. They are flying off the shelf!!! Also the film got accepted into the San Francisco Documentary Festival in May and we have a public screening of the film back where it all started at The Regent Theatre on Saturday, April 29th, 2006 at 2:00 PM. Please pass this onto anyone you think may be interested. I hope to pack the place. You can reserve tickets for that also on the site under screenings. I will be taking questions after the film. As an added feature I will be screening a 6 minute teaser from the film I recently shot in Jamaica called "Looking For Rasta". It's interesting. Thats it for now, check back and I will let you know how this all goes...

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Subject: Cracked Not Broken- THE LIMITED/NUMBERED & SIGNED BY THE FILMMAKER EDITION DVD.
by Drew Harris

Whether we admit it or not, we are all medicated in some form or another. That may be the morning “must have to function” double mocha latte, or perhaps the over the counter codeine enriched pain medications. It may be alcohol, cigarettes, meth, crack cocaine, E, internet porn or the 12 pack of Coca Cola we consume daily.
We may be addicted to afternoon television or find our fix in watching Coronation Street every evening and Sunday mornings, the runner’s high is equally intoxicating.

We are all staving off something that concerns us by the using of any substance that takes us somewhere other than here, the present. Addiction comes in many forms, most are harmless, some will kill and kill they will.

“Cracked Not Broken” is a film I believe everyone that views it will come away reflecting on their own lives, their past and perhaps most importantly, their loved ones or friends that face the struggle and pain of addiction. Lisa is alive thanks in part to Paul and Nicol. If nothing else, one life has been saved by simply putting it on film.

As a recovering addict and “once” engaged and successful graphic designer, I began assisting Paul Perrier and producer Tom Powers in this project. From the beginning, I felt it is a story that needs to be told and I pulled the old “pull start” Mac out of retirement and began again. This film and my involvement continues to reap rewards in my own recovery, though admittedly at times is a challenge. I am an addict and will be my entire life, whether or not I use.

This is a film that every family, every school board, every teenaged child and parent should have in their collection of DVD’s. The film, in my opinion is educational and informative and should be placed alongside any and all health reference materials in your home.
Addiction issues arise when we are least expecting them to happen, families are instantly torn to pieces, lives are destroyed and lost to the disease of addiction.

This is an important film.

Watching this film with your family will create a dialogue that will change your lives and pre-conceived thoughts about addiction.

By supporting this film, you are helping many lives. Your support also assists in broadening the awareness of addiction…ONE STEP AT A TIME.

I just ordered a couple.

Drew Harris
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Apr-11-2006 - HOLY TRINITY BATMAN !

We had another educational screening in the theatre at Holy Trinity School this afternoon for over 400 kids from grade 9 through 12. It was different for a few reasons. It was the first time boys of that age had seen the film so that was kind of interesting. It was also the first time Lisa was not at one of our screenings. She had a temperature of 102 and as much as she wanted to attend, it was agreed that she would return and speak to the students at a later date. Many of people have told me (and boy did this hurt) that the film probably would not stand on it's own if it were not for Lisa being at the screenings to answer questions afterwards. I sat in the very last row and observed the crowd's reaction to the film. Pin drop silence throughout...except for the shuffling and murmurs during the needle scene. Enthusiastic response at the end. For half an hour I fielded questions from some very smart young kids...interested in all different facets of the story. And just like at all the other school screenings, once the kids were sent to their next class, a couple of girls hung around and wanted to talk. They were shy, nervous, scared and teary as they began to tell me about a friend of theirs who is heading down the same path that Lisa had. I actually think I handled the situation well and gave some good advice?
It made me think that long after we are gone that this little film may still have the ability to help people.

To the Batmobile!

Apr-09-2006 - a sign ?

A few weeks ago I edited some video that featured Nicol and Lisa speaking to 400 girls in their old high school following a screening. One girl asked Lisa if it was hard to party for so many years? Lisa responded by saying that the last time she "partied" was in the early nineties and that since that time it has been nothing less than a long nightmare.
On friday evening a group of friends celebrating Dave A's 40th birthday (all of them friends with Lisa in high school)- finished the night off at BETTY's Bar on King Street.
We ended up sitting in the very back corner on the left hand side of the room. After a few pints and the obligatory shots that I didn't need, I looked up and noticed above the group, a black and white portrait of Lisa with a huge smile on her face, taken at BETTY's opening night party. In the photo she is holding a pint glass at what could possibly have been one of the last times Lisa actually did party. I am not a good enough writer to try and put into words the thoughts that were running through my head as this scene played out in front of me. You can't write this stuff. No one would believe how strange things become.
It was probably a sign...
One more Yagermeister!

Apr-06-2006 - I'll leave my ART in...

Attn: Cracked Not Broken

On behalf of the SF DocFest staff , I would like to invite you to take part in the 2006 San Francisco Documentary Festival. We found your piece to be exceptional, and want to thank you kindly for allowing us to present your work. The final locked screening schedule will be forwarded as soon as it is available.

Thanks again. I look forward to working with you, and to hopefully meeting you in May.

All the best,

Jeff Ross
Founder/Director
2006 San Francisco Documentary Festival
May 12-21, 2006
www.sfindie.com

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Attn: Jeff Ross

On behalf of the team at "Cracked Not Broken", I would like to thank you for having the courage to screen our film during Doc Fest. Although I am not aware of your Festival (there are thousands of them out there) it would seem to me that it must be more "cutting edge" than the "BIG" Festivals that claim to be... but in reality are really "pseudo-celebrity gawk Fests". This bit of good news came at an important time in Lisa's ongoing struggle towards sobriety and efforts to educate the masses that this is not a "lower class" problem and that it is not only OK to talk about but "NECESSARY" in order to begin both healing, acceptance and ultimatly CHANGE. Neither of which are easy feats, I can assure you. Thanks for getting involved. I have never been to San Francisco but have heard nothing but good things about your city. It reminds of my hometown Montreal- and what a cool city that is.

I look forward to meeting you and I hope the inclusion of our film helps the Festival get attention and grow. Not too much though, because then films as important as this will be overlooked for fluff.

Paul Perrier
Filmmaker

Mar-30-2006 - Not Cracked But Broke

I "borrowed" some money from Dylan's piggy bank to pay parking fees for a meeting I had this morning. It's tremendously disconcerting when your 7 year old has more in her piggy bank than Dad has in his savings account! Welcome to the world of independent filmmaking in Canada. Sometimes I wonder if giving up my bartending job 15 years ago was the right decision? You worked a couple of nights a week...your buddies would come and drink with you...chicks were a dime a dozen...and you would go home (or to a booze can) every night with a whack load of cash. But I walked away from all that to pursue my Art. I must have been C.R.A.Z.Y.? I'm glad I did though. If I hadn't I would have never met or photographed Bill Gates, George Plimpton, The Ramones, Sam Kinisson, Jim Carey, Emo Philips - to name drop just a few. (OK- never mind Emo - Ha Ha!) .
The point is I took a leap of faith and although the financial rewards are nothing to write home about, the experiences have been as the Mastercard ads say..."Priceless". And at the end of the day, isn't that what life is all about ?
I hope so...

Mar-27-2006 - I don't like mondays !

It was nice escape from the city with my family for a while. Jamaica has changed quite a bit since I was last there in 1993. Tourism has turned Negril Beach into a Carribean version of Daytona Beach. The cliffs are still breathtaking. I shot an amazing little documentary that I would really like to start editing soon... I found Rasta! Another truly wild and surreal experience

I thought a lot about Lisa while I was away. In a sense it was like leaving one of your kids "Home Alone".

The past couple of weeks have been hard for her, with her Dads illness and the rape trial - but she faced both as she said she would. It's always disappointing to find out that Lisa has "used" on occasion, but unfortunately until we can figure a way to get her totally removed from her environment and her "old friends" it is not that shocking to understand why she would seek some sort of escape. At least she is being honest about it. Lisa needs some "new friends" soon!

Mar-08-2006 - Knock Knock!

"WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER ONE ALWAYS OPENS; BUT WE SO OFTEN LOOK SO LONG AND SO REGRETFULLY UPON THE CLOSED DOOR, THAT WE DO NOT SEE THE ONES THAT OPEN FOR US."
- ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL

LOTS OF THINGS HAPPENING WITH THE FILM AND LISA IN THE NEXT LITTLE WHILE. PLEASE CHECK BACK FOR UPDATES ON SOME NEW SCREENINGS AND OUR FIRST RUN OF LIMITED EDITION SIGNED AND NUMBERED DVD'S AVILABLE SOON ON THIS SITE. YOUR SUPPORT AND INTEREST IS APPRECIATED.

I'M OFF TO TRY AND SLAP ANOTHER LITTLE FILM TOGETHER.

TO FIND OUT MORE INFO GO HERE--->http://www.paulperrier.com/cinemablography/index.asp

Mar-06-2006 - What's Up Hot Docs ?

“If you know you are on the right track, if you have this inner knowledge, then nobody can turn you off. . . no matter what they say.” -Barbara McClintock- Scientist

We received the following email last week from Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival.
Here is what they had to say...

Attn: "CRACKED NOT BROKEN"

Thank you for submitting your film to Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival, which will be held April 28 to May 7, 2006. This year Hot Docs received close to 300 hundred submissions of Canadian documentaries from across the country, far more than can be programmed in the Festival. We regret to inform you that your film has not been selected for the official program.

Although your film will not be featured in the official 2006 screening programme, we are pleased to include it in The Doc Shop at no additional fee (Hot Docs entry fee for submitting films/videos includes complimentary registration at the Doc Shop). The Doc Shop is a documentary market running in conjunction with the festival. Open to Hot Docs industry delegates, the facility includes an "on-demand" videotheque (with multiple screening stations) and a video library of over 1,200 documentaries, including all films entered to Hot Docs 2006. All productions housed in the Doc Shop are listed in the Doc Shop Catalogue.

The Doc Shop provides documentary filmmakers an ideal opportunity to promote their films to Hot Docs international delegation of festival programmers, distributors, commissioning editors and other documentary buyers.

While Hot Docs cannot reconsider a film submitted to Hot Docs 2005, wei nvite you to submit new work to Hot Docs 2007. Entry forms will be available in September 2006.

We wish you the best of luck with all your future endeavours, and look forward to seeing your new work in the coming years.

Sincerely,
Sean Farnel
Director of Programming
Hot Docs
sfarnel@hotdocs.ca
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Attn: "Hot Docs"

Are you guys on Crack or something?
Just kidding !
After some inquiries it was relayed to us that one of the screenings we held, to get the ending for the film that we needed, made the film ineligible under Hot Doc rules. Time to move on. I want to apologize to everyone who has supported this film with their efforts to date because I've always promised that their involvement would get recognized because of the impact the film is having on people. I stand behind that promise. I thought "Hot Docs" would be a natural place to begin to get that type of exposure. Hometown story. Hometown crowd. Apparently not.

These people are...
Nicol- For continuing to believe that my vision for the film will become a reality. Despite the setbacks
Lisa - For hanging on. Despite the setbacks.
Tom Powers- For backing me. Despite the setbacks.
Drew Harris- For the encouragement and great design work and hours spent on this.
Angus Robbie- For this web site.
Paul Johnson- For all the camera work at the screenings, and hype.
Carleton Lockhart- For brilliant music at the drop of a hat.
Andrew Galloway- For the professional help that Lisa needs and deserves.
Kidd Rasta and The Peacemakers-for the perfect song that ends the film.
Triangle - For doing the post work- the audio commentary for the DVD and cutting trailers.
The Regent Theatre-The Drake Hotel- St. Clements School- Bishop Strachn School- For having the balls to screen versions of this film so far.
Snoopdog for the posters.
Rob Lieberman for the pens.
Lynne Sims-Taylor for her help south of the 49th parallel.
Studio M - for the opening title sequence.
To everyone who has experienced the film.

"You must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought"
Emmett Fox

I am positive that I have dwelled on some negative thoughts about this news for the past few days...No more. As a photographer it has been my job to turn negatives (film) into positives (prints) over the years. This news has made me more determined than ever to persevere and make this a positive experience for everyone involved...

Even if it kills me.

Sincerely,

Paul Perrier
Canadian Filmmaker

Feb-28-2006 - It's a Jungle out there!

I bought Werner Herzog's brilliant and haunting documentary "Grizzly Man" this past weekend. I was surprised by the similarities in the character of Timothy Treadwell in his film, and Lisa in mine. Both documentaries are true stories of “Lives Gone Wild”.
Timothy and Lisa both suffered from drug addiction early in their teenage years. Timothy left his "normal" life and tried to live amongst the Grizzly Bears in Alaska. Lisa left her "normal" life and tried to live amongst the drug dealers in Toronto. For a long time Timothy successfully co existed with these beasts. In his 13th year (ironically) his luck runs out and he is ultimately devoured by one of his old "friends".
Lisa has miraculously survived her experience, although some "bears" still come around from time to time and try to lure her back into their wild world. Oh sure it’s exiting and an adrenalin rush but in the end...
If you stay too long, they will eat you whole.

Stay on that Bus Lisa !

Feb-26-2006 - JAH

LOOKING FOR RASTA:

        13 years ago, my girlfriend Nicol (now my wife) and I traveled to Jamaica together to attend her friends Sophie and Trevor's wedding. I offered to take the photographs. One afternoon while walking from the cliffs to the white sand beach of Negril with Nicol and Sophie's brother Ben, we passed a tall black man with long dreads standing in the water. The sky was blue, he had on red shorts and the water was green. The colours were dynamic. I had my Hassleblad camera with me and I asked him if I could take his picture. He agreed. I shot a roll with him and asked him for his name and address so that I could send him a copy of the portrait, which I knew was going to be amazing. He said his name was Rasta and he wrote down his address.
      When I returned to Toronto from the trip I was shocked when I picked up all the film and noticed that I had loaded the camera with black and white film. Despite my mistake the portrait is still one of my favorites. I never did get to send Rasta the print as I had somehow lost his address. Maybe it's those Jamaican cigarettes? They can really make you feel funny.
       In two weeks Nicol and I, along with our daughters Dylan and Taegan, are returning to Negril for the first time since that trip. A lot has changed for me since that time. I will be taking his photograph that has hung in our house ever since and will return to the location of the portrait session on the beach.
There I will be "Looking for Rasta".
That is the concept and name of the film.
This should be interesting.

Feb-23-2006 - about 2:45 PM - TWO YEARS AGO TODAY

"It's February 23, 2004 at around 2:45 pm, and I am heading down to interview Lisa where she is living and working on Bay Street.... This will be interesting." Me - from the prologue to "Cracked Not Broken"

I was right. It was interesting. So interesting in fact that 45 minutes later, I had 90 % of a film made, shot in one take and cost me a total of $25.00. That was the easy part...

Budget:

1- Tape stock:                                               $ 10.00
2- Parking:          $ 5.00
3- Tip to guy at the reception of the hotel:        $ 10.00
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Total                                                             $ 25.00

The hard part would be to get the last 10 % of the film done. This would take up the two years since that day. The real process started when Lisa asked to watch the rough footage that I had shot a few months later at her new hotel residence. I taped a few minutes of her watching and reacting to the piece.
It became more interesting.
Nicol and I received a recorded message from Lisa a week later telling us that she was going to try to quit "the game". The footage had affected her. She had shown it to some friends of hers with similar lifestyles, who all suggested that it be used as an educational film.
Interesting.
12 months later Lisa was back at the game.
Hard Core.
We had discussed the concept of turning the footage into a film a few times but never acted on that impulse.
I felt weird about it. I had already been shooting for four years what I thought would turn into a ground-breaking film about a friend of mine who was an addict.
Things changed in August of 2005 when with Tom Powers behind me, I formally asked Lisa if she was really ready to go ahead with the idea? She agreed and I started to work on the following ten percent of the film.
How hard could it be?
I wish I had the time to write everything.
As soon as Lisa agreed to do this - things started to happen. A whole group of people started to help out. Out of interest in the subject and the concept of what we were trying to achieve.
The first words you hear in the film from Lisa as the opening title appears are "This is like... straight out of the fucking movies?".
How right she was.
What a ride this has been. It's the first time I've understood the saying... "Be careful what you wish for" . Since I was a kid I always thought it would be fun to be a film director.
I was right. I just didn't realize how hard it would be.
The film and Lisa's story are at an interesting crossroad. All sorts of avenues are presenting themselves and as usual I will allow the film to follow what I believe is the right path. I will continue to allow Lisa to make her own decisions on the best way for her to proceed.
To quote one of her last lines in the film:
"I don't know where I'm going, or what's going to happen? I'm just going, gonna to leave it up... to the faith!"

Interesting idea.

Feb-21-2006 - THE DRUG LIFE

I did not plan on becoming a "Drug" filmmaker. It just happened.
I'm not a drug addict.
I don't come from a drug-addicted family.
For the last five years drugs have taken over my life.
Like most addicts, I didn't really see it coming.
In my first film "Marymount Again..." my high school friend Patrizia Algorotti stole the film with her sobering story about her spiral into the drug scene that began in high school and hit such lows as living with other addicts with no money or jobs. Her miraculous recovery story and her continued involvement with teen addicts who suffer from the same demons she had, was a powerful message that I think she realized could be spread even further in this type of documentary format.
It was not planned. It just happened.
In September of 2001 when my old friend Dan Burke contacted me to see if I wanted to get involved with an idea he had for a film - a rock 'n roll "Roger and Me" type documentary, I never conceived that the idea of trying to book the Rolling Stones to play a 25th Anniversary gig at the legendary The El Moccambo, would turn into fours years of documenting one of rock n' rolls greatest characters (not Mick but Dan) and his battle with cocaine addiction.
It was not planned. It just happened.
It was this film that was the impetus that lead to my interview with Lisa that resulted to be "Cracked Not Broken". *which was shot two years ago tomorrow.
Not planned. Happened.
Holy Shit Happens?
It has been a long time to be in the drug life.
What is my addiction?
What is yours?

Feb-09-2006 - Another day another rejection

I found out from the SouthXSouth West Film Festival this week that the film had not been accepted.

That’s “0 for 3” so far - Amsterdam-Sundance and SxSW . The next rejection should come from our very own Hot Docs next month. Which will also make me “0 for 3” with them - “Marymount Again...” -2001. And “Maybe The Big Rabbit did it?” -2004 .

I’ve witnessed lots of different audiences watch this film and the reactions during and after the screenings are always fascinating. I’m surprised (although less so these days) that the people who screen these films for submission into Festivals cannot see that, but what can you do? You can lead a horse to water...
The film is on it’s own path much like it’s subject is. A couple of steps forward, a few steps back. Keep fighting. When there’s a will there’s a way. Insert your own cliché here... .

My road trip with my 7-year-old daughter Dylan to Florida after the BSS screening was a gas. We sang Hillary Duff, Avril Lavigne, Grease and Jessica Simpson at full crank...and then we listened to her music! She was a great companion the whole way. I kept looking at her beautiful face in the rear view mirror smiling back at me and thinking that no matter what frustrations I have to deal with on a professional level, at least I have her to remind me that everything is OK in the grand scheme of things.

I listened to the audio commentary track that Lisa and I recorded at Triangle Studio last week . It is another really interesting element to the whole story. There is one scene in the film where Lisa is watching the rough footage on TV while I film her watching and reacting to what she is seeing. To listen to her comment on the different aspects of the film from beginning to end opens up the mind of an addict a little more.

Stay tuned.

Jan-31-2006 - This is BSS! 4:30 am

6 months ago I approached Lisa with a concept.

In my photography and film work I present concepts all the time. 95 per cent of these concepts are usually rejected or put on hold for a long long time and then forgotten.

Lisa got the concept immediately.

I had been sitting on the footage from an interview Lisa had asked me to do a year earlier. I hoped in some way by releasing it as a film to the general public it could possibly help others who face the similar addiction problems as hers. I hoped it could be a tool for her, if she wanted, to work on her own recovery. She agreed and gave me a blank canvas to take that footage and turn it into was screened for about 120 parents of girls who attend Bishop Strachn School. The same school that Lisa and Nicol attended briefly as teenagers. It was the 6th screening we have done since September 12th 2005.

I have been documenting the progress of the film and Lisa's attempts at getting clean. I believe both have been getting better with each screening, but there have been set backs for both. I know how fucking hard it is to make movies-my obsession. I have witnessed how hard it is to break a drug habit- Lisa's obsession. I have been criticized and praised for what I am doing.

In five hours we will be back at Bishop Strachn for our 7th and most important screening to date for 300 to 400 impressionable young girls from grade eight to grade twelve. As well as today's screening we are officially launching this web site to support this project and allow people who are aware of the story to track the progress.

There are a lot of people who have given their time and creative energy into helping me try and pull this off. This remains a work in progress. As is recovery. The film has taken on a life of it's own. It's going. Where?... I'm not exactly sure. Does anybody really know where they are going?

Last week Lisa and I sat in a recording booth at Triangle while doing an audio commentary as we watched the cleaned up edit. Although I have seen the film 250 times, each time I see something new. We are planning on pressing 1000 first edition copies of the film for sale on this site and at future screenings. Please support the project. It is changing some lives and we need all the help we can get. I know I will never get an opportunity to work on a film like this one again. It has come close to breaking me, but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I'm strong and so is Lisa.

January 31/ 06 - 1:45 pm. What a scene.... 400 girls, the biggest audience I have ever shown my work to, along with Lisa and Nicol in the gymnasium at BSS. Pretty wild. Great question and answer period that lasted close to 45 minutes. This screening was important in so many ways. I think both the audience and the subjects beniffited from the screening.

I am taking my seven year old daughter Dylan on a little father/daughter bonding road trip in half an hour. I am driving my Mom and Dads car down the I-75 to Florida for them and she is coming along for the ride. She wants to make a movie? I'll keep you posted.

See ya !