RESPONSES TO HBO BROADCAST

Dear Paul:

What is remarkable about this documentary film is how little the film maker/director interferes with the subject’s telling of her own history/story. By narrating most of the film, the subject becomes her own authorial voice through which the camera captures and the viewer seizes a troubling subtext, one that reaches to the very heart of addiction.

Lola L Tostevin,
Writer.

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Dear Mr. Paul Perrier,
      My name is Anne and I am a substance abuse Councilor in Boston,  Massachusetts. Recently
I came across your film on HBO "Cracked Not Broken". I found the information given on your film to be very misleading. It said it was a documentary done about a woman who talks about her struggles with addiction basically. I viewed that film to a group of about 30 addicts in a detox. The reaction, including myself, was very negative. I, myself, am not an addict- however I found your film to be somewhat "accepting" of the use of cocaine and prostitution. I realize that my clients may be very early in their recovery, but most of them are not new to coming
to a detox facility. The one scene everyone had a problem with was of Lisa trying to shoot up. I got so many reactions to this such as "I just wanted her to get high", "She made a lot money but with no repercussions", or "It
triggered me". This is not the response I should be getting. I've showed other movies like this and they've seen HBO's Addiction and not had a problem like this.
       The documentary itself, started out really good but as time went on I started to realize that you were never going to show her "bad" side of using or the negative things that happened to her. As far as I'm concerned I watched a woman shoot up and be a prostitute and make money, the easy way. No consequences at all. If you make a film, you expect at least one person to get some sort of message out of it, or at least learn something. I suggest to you sir, that you do not use someone you know, because after a while it felt as if it were just two friends sitting down talking while the other one was high.
        On the other hand, triggers for addicts are everywhere. The lifestyle will always be around to haunt them. Some (but very few) did get that message you were trying to portray about how crazy and unemotional Lisa
was. They understood that she was just existing and not living.
         I just felt that you should know this. Whatever reaction you get
from the letter consider the fact that if it was you were in their shoes and
watching the film, how would you feel??

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Dear Lisa;

Let me begin by saying thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to tell the world what you have been through, and are going through. I don't know you, have never met you, did not see you on Oprah and have yet to watch your film. In fact, as of this morning all I 'knew' of you was your voice and the few sentences I managed to catch on the CBC radio Sound’s Like Canada. I hope this email will serve at least a couple of purposes: to let you know that there's someone out there whom you have never met, but who feels a strong connection to you and your "story" (not that your life is a story - I just can't think of a better way to put it); and also to help me to begin to reconcile some of the things that I am dealing with. In short, I hope this may be even the tiniest bit therapeutic for us both. Take your time, read my letter if you feel like it, and know that someone else has just stepped into your corner.

This morning began for me as most have, as of late at least. Dragged to the surface of consciousness by my alarm clock, I drifted in and out of sleep for an hour or so, trying in vain to come up with a reason that would see me stay under the covers and away from the world. I made a mental checklist of how many days of work I'd called in, been late, or simply didn't show up. Needless to say, the list was long. I then thought about the excuses I could use: perhaps I could call my co-worker and make up yet another lame excuse, which I know he sees right through. Hmm...Migraine? plausible - the weather is in a bit of a flux - perhaps if I threw in words like barometric pressure and light sensitivity he'd buy it. Food poisoning? Nah, I've used that one too often lately. I haven't used sick grandmother in a while - and she is in the hospital. Then I decide that's really really low, chastise myself for a bit and then attempt to figure out how many more times I can hit snooze before I absolutely HAVE to get up. Before long, I've bargained away my shower (I had a bath last night) breakfast (as if I could actually go TWO days in a row having eaten before walking out the door) and my daily trip to Tim's - pretty much the only thing that makes me happy in the mornings anymore. As it was I was going to be at least 15 minutes late for work even if I busted ass, grabbed some dirty clothes off the floor, slapped some makeup in a vain attempt to look somewhat presentable, and sped like hell downtown. Add 5-10 minutes for the morning freight train crossing, and I'd be almost a full half hour late to open the store, praying all the way that no customers would be waiting at the door, looking at their watches, rolling their eyes at me over their bifocals, and snidely muttering under their breath "a little late, aren't we?". I had my excuses all lined up - car wouldn't start, boyfriend accidentally took my keys with him to work etc. and of course my "brilliant" one-liners that I'd never actually use on anyone. ("If you knew what I had to go through just to get out of bed, you wouldn't be treating me this way" or "Take it easy, I'm not late to perform your brain surgury - it's just a freaking  store!!") This is pretty much how every morning begins for me. The mornings after I've used are, of course, the worst.
 
I feel so pathetic even using the term 'used' because I know that my sad little addictions are not even in the same universe as yours, or of anyone out there who's suffered a "real" addiction. Nope, for me it's just a bunch of tiny little ones that add up to one giant pain in the ass for me, for my boyfriend, my family and pretty much anyone who knows me. Cool. I know that we can only relate to the world through the filter of our own unique perspective, and I once heard the term "never compare grief". Basically what I mean is, if it is real to you, then it is real. Let's face it - I shouldn't berate myself simply because I've been fortunate enough not to go down a road that is more difficult than the one I've traveled. So my issues are with marijuana, sleeping pills, cigarettes, food, sleep and sex. (The last one comes and goes, but the others are all there, all the time, in some form or another). In fact, if I wanted to get technical, I am also addicted to being depressed. I suffer from depression also - another stigmatic, invisible, under-recognized, over-simplified disease. So ok...I am in mental pain. I am suffering. It's real to me so it is real.
 
So, all of this rambling finally comes to a point! If my life were going along just perfectly and I was 15 minutes early for work like a normal person (OK, I don't know that many people who come to work EARLY!) instead of 15 minutes late then I would have missed hearing your interview. Ok, if I was the jump out of bed, early bird, get to work early looking fabulous with a nice, healthy lunch packed and a sunny smile on my face then I'd be one of two things: faking it like I used to (or thought I did) or someone who could listen to your interview with only a passing interest and a sad smile for the poor girl whose life was just so rough. But, lucky for me, I am neither one of those things! I listened to you and Paul with tears running down my face, and I am not even sure I breathed lest I missed your names, or any sort of information about how I could get a hold of you to learn more. Thankfully I heard the host mention the name of your film and I could barely contain myself as I searched online for a way to read more. I found your web site, and spent any moment I had during the day reading it. In a word, synchronicity.
 
I am so excited/scared/anxious to watch your film on HBO this Saturday because for the first time in a long time I am inspired to begin to THINK about making changes in my life and I desperately need something to help me take the first painful step towards breaking these cycles of mine before I tempt fate and take the next step down the rabbit hole. Let me say that if not for sheer circumstance, I'd have a much larger addiction on my hands. The only reason I have not progressed to a harder drug is because I would have absolutely no idea where to find it. I don't know anyone who does anything other than drink or smoke the occasional joint. I've never been around coke, crack, meth, heroin, or anything of the like. This, I know, is a VERY good thing. I used to think that I'd never even consider these as options (actually I am not even sure I could use these kind of drugs - I'd likely get so scared I'd throw up or pass out) but more and more I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to be a "real" addict. I am smoking a lot of weed, more and more, and getting less and less out of it. Time to progress? What would the highs be like? Could I be the one to break the laws of science and sense and be able to 'maintain' an addiction and a (somewhat) normal life? Yeah, right. I feel sick, and ashamed, like someone with a bizarre sexual fantasy who daren't speak a word to anyone lest he be found out and judged by the all powerful "everyone". What kind of a person fantasizes about being a drug addict? Well, I do. And I want to stop. I want to stop this shit before I realize exactly what it's like and it's too late to turn back. I have a feeling that Cracked Not Broken might be just the thing to help me help myself.
 
Well, that's my story in a nutcase - er...um...nutshell! I hope you are well and staying strong. I hope to be so myself one day.
 
Please take care,
 
JS

PS- I just found out I won’t be able to watch your film. I am a bit dismayed that those of us without satellite cannot access HBO! (Obviously I haven't been paying attention for the last oh, 20 years of my life!) I've been looking forward to watching on Saturday night but I guess that won't happen. I will definitely order the DVD but I am wondering if there are plans for a Canadian broadcast? Will you let me know?
Many thanks, and please please keep up the amazing work. 

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Hi Paul-
I just wanted to say that Cracked Not Broken was amazing in so many aspects. I truly am impressed and wish you and Nicol the best, but also, Lisa. I pray that she finds the strength to get recovery from her addiction.
I wanted to tell you as well that the scene where Lisa shoots up and it turns from black and white to color was genius! I have watched alot of documentaries and although I have not had much personal experience with drug addiction, alcoholism runs in my family. I find it noble that despite how shameful and embarrassing Lisa's addiction is, she found courage enough to be filmed and even to go to the different screenings and answer questions...WOW.
She is a strong person, I truly wish her the best.

Christine
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Hi Nicol

I am sitting in Atlanta getting ready to go into the offices but wanted to let you know that when I arrived on Sunday, I looked in the hotels HBO brochure to discover that Paul's documentary Cracked Not Broken was playing this morning at 5 AM. I woke up to watch it and was very moved.  I just wanted to share with you how incredible I think you and Paul are for having the courage (and talent) to help us all understand how devastating this illness is and trust that it will help others who are at risk of ending up where Lisa has been. I also hope for you that one day soon, Lisa will be back in your life for good and clean.
Thinking of you!


Cathy
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Lisa,

My name is Andrea. I'm a 22 year old female in Maryland.

I just wanted to mention that I saw your documentary with Paul Perrier and even though I never have had a drug problem, I did have a problem with alcohol for many years that I put a stop to a year ago.
I just wanted to say that you were very brave to put your trials and tribulations out there for the world to see.

Thank you
Andrea
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Paul

Hi, I live in London, and I was just wondering if you could please try and get at least 1 screening here. I think it would be very informative and I think it would open peoples eyes in a smaller city than Toronto. I feel that Lisa has come a long way from just reading her blog’s. I cannot wait until “Cracked Wide Open” becomes available. Hope to hear from you soon.

Fan in London.
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Tom,
 
I just watched Cracked Not Broken. Although quite upsetting, it sends a powerful message to all kids that want to experiment, It also reminds us that it effects everyone, addiction has no prejudice.   In summary your film is extremely well done. Kudos to you for taking a chance on such a controversial subject.

Janice
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Paul
I just saw Cracked Not Broken. As a recovering addict with just under two years clean, this was as powerful a message of the horrors of addiction I have ever seen. My hope for Lisa is that she finds recovery. Amazing film, brutally honest.
I just can't imagine the courage it takes to for Lisa to keep coming back and trying again. She reminds me of a very good friend of mine who has chronically relapsed for
the last 2 years, but keeps trying, keeps coming back to meetings, keeps sharing and being honest, knowing that recovery
will work for her. I didn't get clean until I was 41. I had to go to hell, take a left turn, and found Narcotics Anonymous. I heard at my
first meeting "You never have to use again. No matter what. Just for Today.", and I was just crazy enough to believe it. I have been two years clean this May. It hasn't been easy, I've been divorced, had to file for bankruptcy, got fired from a 100k/yr job, left by the newest 'love of my life'(she was in recovery too), but haven't used. I've done it, thousands of other addicts have done it, Lisa can do it too. I hear it in her.

You and Lisa are doing important work. I'm just a recovering addict in Louisville, KY, but I am serious. Anything I can do to help you carry this message I will. Thanks again for your work and the perseverance you must have had to have this reach the audience it has.

Pass this on to Lisa:
An addict, any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live. There are recovering addicts in Louisville, KY that you touched today. Your courage is inspiring, and you are helping people right now. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your story.


Thank you.
Jeff
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Paul:

Great Work... compelling... touching... the
combination of the raw footage and the stylized shots,
sound track, really tasty, Lisa  You must be receiving a tremendous
amount of good feed back, it is well deserved.

Claudia
California
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Hi Tom

 
Please extend my well wishes to Lisa! I watched Cracked Not Broken on HBO today, and she touched my heart! I know it is very hard to live ( but Lisa has changed so many lives) she just does not realize it yet!
Tell her to keep fighting, I hope she is OK- Thank you for making this film-I hope you are well too!

 Sincerely

 Suzanne from NY
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Hi Lisa,

I just watched Cracked Not Broken on HBO On Demand and wanted to send you this message. DON'T GIVE UP!
 I hope someday you will realize that there are no mistakes in life -that sober or not you are a worthwhile, intelligent human being. You have inspired me tremendously and the film will stay in my consciousness for a long time. It may sound crazy to say but I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. Not because you should but because thousand of people who will see the film will send you the strength and love that will help you make it through.

Love, Maria L
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Hi Lisa,

I really do not know where to begin...  I myself struggle with addiction, with now 9 days back today.  Round and round and round I go... meeting tonight and then just happened to come across the last 30 min of your documentary.

Hold on!!!!!!!
You'll be in my prayers...
Dawn